User:Cosmickslop/Jane Schoenbrun/PinkGlitterGirl Peer Review

General info
Cosmickslop
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Cosmickslop/Jane Schoenbrun
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead
The lead begins with a clear and concise introductory sentence for the subject. I would suggest noting that Schoenbrun is non-binary in this sentence.

Consider revising subsequent paragraph to the following for clarity and brevity

"Schoenbrun's filmography focuses on themes of human psyches, the internet and the intersection of the two. Prior to their directorial debut in 2018, Schoenbrun produced feature-length fiction films, documentaries, and short films."

Content
While the content added is relevent, the career section only discusses Schoenbrun's directorial work—would be improved by the addition of details regarding their work as a producer, actor, and writer. Also fails to mention their upcoming project "Nevada".

Tone and Balance
While the presentation of the information is neutral for the most part, the sources of the information renders its neutrality questionable. Paragraph two of the career section reads like an original comparative analysis of two of Schoenbrun's films and contains no citations.

Schoenbrun is the source in 2/3 citations in the section—their view of their work is overrepresented

Sources and References
The article is based on 4 sources—IMDB, an interview with the subject, an article written by the subject, and a Deadline article—only one of which satisfies Wikipedia's requirements for notability. While sources are current, they are not thorough nor do they reflect a diversity spectrum of authors.

The academic sources listed on the separate bibliography page were not utilized—consider integrating these sources to bolster legitimacy and notability.

Recommended additional information + sources
These sources were found on the first page of google results for "Jane Schoenbrun" and would enrich the wikipedia article.

Upcoming project: Nevada

Roger Ebert review to speak to their directorial style through a secondary source

More current and informative article regarding upcoming film: I Saw the TV Glow

Information regarding their professional representation + filmography

Additional information on music video direction + working relationship with Phoebe Bridgers

Secondary source: 'We're All Going to the World's Fair'

Secondary source speaking to directorial style, themes, and future legacy—I cannot link it as it would need to be whitelisted by wikipedia but it speaks to the currently uncited claims in the career section

https://reelrundown.com/movies/Jane-Schoenbrun-vs-The-Internet

Organization
The sentence structure is clunky and unnecessarily wordy in some place (like the lead mentioned above). See comparison between original text and suggested edit

"Schoenbrun's career as a director began with A Self-Induced Hallucination (2018), an hour-long "found-footage documentary" film composed of edits from YouTube videos discussing The Slender Man, a fictional horror character and internet phenomenon."

Schoenbrun made their directorial debut in 2018 with the documentary ''A Self-Induced Hallucination. The'' film centers the narrative of the fictional horror character and internet phenomenon Slender Man as told through a found footage compilation of existing youtube videos.

The article is organized into sections and includes a filmography table expected in a Wikipedia article of this kind.

New Article Considerations
The article does not meet Wikipedia's Notability requirements. Only one of the four sources was reliable secondary sources independent of the subject. The list of sources is far from exhaustive or diverse and requires major additions for compliance with Wikipedia standards.

The article follows the basic pattern of similar articles as it contains section headings and a filmography table. The discoverability is hindered by the lack of links to other articles. Two of Schoenbrun's projects have their own existing wikipedia articles—linking the exisiting pages to this article would increase the visibility/discoverability of both the artist and the art.

Overall Impression
The present content an improvement to Schoenbrun's previous lack of Wikipedia article and contains interesting information about their work.

Suggestions for Improvement

 * Additional independent secondary sources.
 * An expanded career section to detail their work outside of A Self-Induced Hallucination and We're All Going to the World's Fair.
 * Music video work
 * Further discussion of their work as a writer
 * Include awards and nominations
 * Update future project information