User:Crazycallum

Callum Paterson (1983-), is a philanthropist, novelist, friend to the animals, and all round nice guy. Commonly referred to as "The Worlds Greatest Sex Machine", he has many fans around the world, who admire his humour, humility, writing ability and that he is the only living person with proof of Christianity's fallicy. (Callum on top of the Eiffel Tower, 2005)

Born in Sale, Victoria to an airforce navigator and a mum, he spent much of his childhood travelling around, on account of his father being in the Royal Australian Airforce. Stints in Canberra and Adelaide saw him needing quarantine for around 4 months before being allowed to return back to Victoria, to Melbourne (where he currently lives)

Best known for his as yet unpublished book, "So this is the reason why...I'm still single", Callum is a qualified writing guy. His university days were spent amongst the trees and cows at Monash University, Berwick, and playing Mario Tennis at the McDonalds. His work is a subtantial undertaking, taking the reader into the mind of an adolescent male looking for love and the never ending search for a car that runs on pure garbage, similiar to Dolorian, from the Back to the Future series. Alas, this is never discovered by the protaganist, and instead he spends most of his time rambling about what's wrong with the world. Loosely based on Paterson's own life, one critic, Winyu Munintrapong said of it: "Callum says what he thinks, but rarely thinks about what he does". It's this no prisoners approach to his life and writing that has won him fans all over the world, even if they've never heard of him.

Apart from being a novelist, Callum is also an accomplished musician. At age 15, under the psuedonym Jani Bon Michaels, he formed air-guitar band, Aerosmyth, with Joy Curtis (Guy Shield), and Red "Shaggy" Smyth. They were immensly popular and were instrumental in reviing air guitar as a legitimate form of musical theatre. Creative differences ended the band after 2 years, although not before a sold out last night at his parents house.

Pateson is a serial dater, having dated the likes of Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Christina Aguilera, and Winona Ryder. Although they were in different countries at the time, he claimed the reason why these relationshiops failed was because he wanted something 'real'. Strangely, he seems to be the only celebrity that has never dated Paris Hilton.

He currently lives in Melbourne, working on a film treatment for "Weekend At Bernies 3 - He's still cold".