User:Crazysuit1

William Sherwood was born a poor black child in northern Minnesota in the year 1542. His children were eaten by mountain lions and the mountain lions were promptly eaten by bears. Bears wielding arc welders and chainsaws. Damn bears.

His early childhood was plagued with resent of having the 7th Harry Potter book spoiled for him. Oh yeah and the whole parents being eaten thing. That kinda puts a damper on your child hood. Regardless, he continued to survive on berries, Doritos (TM) and the flesh of ants. By the age of 7 he realized he had magical powers and could summon up candy golems at will. Delicious candy golems made of gumdrops, twizzlers and twinkies. He consequently was kicked out of 83 elementary schools for summoning candy golems to terrorize the other children.

By the age of 13 he had yet to succesfully complete 3rd grade and decided to join the military. However because of his hideous lack of schooling they decided instead to put him into politics. By the age of 19 he ruled all of Minnesota with an iron fist. And candy golems. With iron fists. However in a twist of fate he lost a rock, paper, scissors match with the King of Iowa and declared war.

THE WAR OF IOWA vs MINNESOTA (1600-1700) The Iowan/Minnesotan War was long, brutal and slightly flowery. Lasting 100 years, every single Minnesotan died. However their vengeful spirits haunted Iowa for generations causing most of the citizens to commit suicide like a bunch of emo wimps. This act has since been known Sherwood's Forced Suicide.

THE FALL OF WILLIAM

William was forced to abdicate after losing the whole of his following during the Iowan/Minnesotan Debacle. It's generally a bad idea not to have followers if you are a King. Shortly after abdicating his regality to the very bears that ate the mountain lions that ate his parents he wandered for 3 days and 3 nights searching for his only salvation. However he would never find it as he was captured by Hitler and his Nazi cronies. He promptly shipped off to Aushwitz.

LIFE IN AUSHWITZ

William lived a hard life in Aushwitz. Fighting disease, hunger and fairies he struggled to survive in the death camp. However via crazy bad miracle he managed to fight off the entire camp guard with a spoon, losing his right hand and hair in the process.

THE DEATH OF WILLIAM

After losing his right hand he starved to death due not being able to eat because he never learned how to eat with his left hand. He was promptly forgotten by history until just now.