User:Culbert3002/Polar Bear Pass National Wildlife Area/Suzy0919 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Culbert3002

TobiTimothee

Dhk222

Bmac54

Mlroach5

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Editing User:Culbert3002/Polar Bear Pass National Wildlife Area - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Polar Bear Pass National Wildlife Area - Wikipedia
 * Polar Bear Pass National Wildlife Area - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Strong aspects & why they are good:


 * The section “Wildlife” provides a solid background for readers who might not have enough knowledge before reading the article. For example, explaining the common characteristics of the area that enable some species’ habitation helped me understand the area better.
 * Ecological, cultural, and historical aspects are touched upon throughout the article. The article offers information in an informative tone.

What did I learn?


 * It takes multiple parties to conserve and protect an ecologically and culturally significant area, such as Inuit peoples, Environment and Climate Change Canada, and Sulukvaut Area Co-management Committe (ACMC).
 * Most species found in the area have a common characteristic of enduring the arctic climate.
 * I learned such a remote and cold area has visitors like researchers!

Does the draft cover the following topics?


 * Fauna (endemic, endangered species?)
 * Endangered species are mentioned and discussed
 * First Nations: were they included in the process of creating the protected area? in management decision-making processes?
 * Inuit peoples are involved in conservation management efforts
 * What is the number of visitors? What do they do there?
 * There is no specific discussion on the number of visitors. The visitors are identified as researchers and Nunavut beneficiaries that are required for access permits.
 * The historical use of the area is discussed in the article.
 * The effect of climate change is not discussed in the article.

Any improvements or accuracy check?


 * In the second paragraph of “Endangered Species”, specifying what the weather conditions were, could help the readers to understand better.
 * Under “Climate”, specifying “the amount of snowfall” that “is often low” or setting a standard of the normal amount of snowfall could increase accuracy.
 * Under “Climate”, defining the quoted word, “polar desert” and the word “biological oasis” by using references could help with the readers’ understanding.
 * Under “Climate”, explaining “the local wind patterns”, and “nutrients” could help with the readers’ understanding.

'''Equity, diversity, inclusion... all relevant perspectives included? Any neglected viewpoints?'''


 * The article discusses the history and culture of Inuits. The article encourages equity and diversity by narrating Inuit history and cultures as well as current management plan by Canada Wildlife Act.

Review comments on whether your classmates’ work is balanced: does it address the most important and notable aspects of the topic, or does it get bogged down in details?


 * The first paragraph of the section “Geography” could eliminate detailed information on the hills and provide general information for a broader understanding. The following paragraph in “Geography” also has some extensive and unnecessary information, such as the two largest lakes.

'''Are there enough sources? Do some statements need to be sourced?'''


 * There are 14 sources in total. Because the sections “People and Culture of Nunavut”, “Land Claim Agreements”, “Management”, and “History” are missing sources, more are needed for legitimacy.
 * Under “Geography”, the first sentence needs a source to prove it is the largest wildlife area in Canada.
 * Under “Climate”, the sentence “The amount of snowfall is often low, and the majority of the yearly precipitation comes as rain” needs a reference.
 * The sections “People and Culture of Nunavut”, “Land Claim Agreements”, “Management”, and “History” are missing sources.
 * "Endangered species" and "Wildlife" have good sources.

'''Are there any grammatical issues? Any sentences that are difficult to understand? If not, praise!'''


 * Under “Endangered Species”, “Peary Caribou was assessed as threatened because of loss of sea ice, in respect to climate change and a large die-off in the 1990’s related to severe weather[4]” needs two grammatical corrections:
 * “In respect to” should be written as “with respect to”
 * “1990’s related to severe weather” was slightly hard to comprehend the first time reading. I would suggest the phrase be re-written as “1990s, due to severe weather”.
 * Under “Wildlife”, the sentence “Some of the Mammals include: lemmings, Muskoxen, Peary Caribou, Walrus, Polar Bear, and Ringed Seal[6]” does not need a colon.
 * Under “Wildlife”, what are Canada’s responsibilities and their levels? The sentence, “Due to this Canada's responsibility level based on the global population has been evaluated as very high[7]”, needs to be specified for readers who might not be aware of the context.


 * Under “Geography”, the phrase “which can described” needs the word “be”.
 * Under “Geography”, “The tallest of which are the Scoresby Hills in the north-east, reaching an elevation of 240 meters” needs a grammatical adjustment.


 * Under “Management”, the sentence “Although the Inuit had to give up their Aboriginal title to Nunavut through this land agreement, the title is still legally recognized on ancestral lands, and the Agreement protects the rights of the aboriginal Inuit to continue in practicing their traditional activities” is run-on, needs a grammatical adjustment.
 * Under “Management”, the word “are” is needed between the phrase “...specified people with permits” and “allowed to be in the park”.
 * Under “History”, the phrase “Because of these distinctions” needs a comma before “environmental importance and both cultural and industrial importance,”

Any comments on the structure of the article... organization?


 * This might be due to the fact that it is a rough draft; if the section “History” moved up as the opening paragraph, it might help readers to have an overview of the area.