User:Cyclegirl22/Incarceration in the United States/Irishyseni Peer Review

General info
(provide username)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.

A. Neutral Voice


 * 1) "Incarcerated individuals are forced to breathe and consume these toxins with no government protection. One major concern for incarcerated individuals is contaminated water with high levels of lead and copper."
 * 2) The author does a great job of communicating the information with the source attached to it. Changes that could be made are in terms of using certain words over others, as an example in the intro: "Many prisons around the United States" Is there a way you could a more precise number? And, in the second paragraph, I wonder if there is the possibility of giving any examples or case studies of specific prisons that could support the evidence.

B. Close paraphrasing & Plagiarism


 * 1) I think the author did a great job with paraphrasing their sources and I didn't notice any plagiarism.

C. Readability


 * 1) Note any sentences that you think are particularly strong or effectively written: Environmental justice and energy justice activists argue the lack of adequate heating and cooling in prisons is a form of “cruel and unusual punishment,” which violates their rights under the Eighth Amendment.
 * 2) Note any sentences you had to read more than once to understand what the writer was saying: Green prisons promote a more sustainable lifestyle while also focusing on the incarcerated individual’s rehabilitation which will hopefully lead to low recidivism rates.
 * 3) Note any errors (e.g. spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc.) for the author to fix before publication: "Since prisons are not strictly regulated, the existence of these prisons  allows  these toxins to be prevalent in the environment". And "While  environmentalists need to make prisons more sustainable , environmental justice activists are fighting for the inclusion of all of the incarcerated population’s energy needs when making this transition".

D. Rubric


 * 1) Lead Section: The author states the topic very specifically and gives many points that improve the article by adding plenty of content.
 * 2) Article: The organization is balanced; I would consider adding a subheading to the last section "Green Prison" and adding more information in that last section.
 * 3) References: Every sentence is easy to find its source, and the article is rich in different resources and citations. Really good job.
 * 4) Existing Article: The Environmental section added is an incredible contribution to the existing article, and I'm glad that gives an informative overview of the current environmental state of the environmental impact of Incarceration in the United States.

E. Final Questions/Considerations


 * 1) What would you describe as the project/author's greatest strength? In other words, what do you think they are doing very well? The project's greatest strength is both the quality and the quantity of information added to the existing article. The author is contributing over 500 words and four new paragraphs to a barely non-existent section before. I like the fact that nothing is omitted to have a convenient neutral voice and that this topic has been covered and is now accessible to the public.
 * 2) What is one thing you think the author could do to most improve their project before turning in the final draft? As mentioned before adding any example of prisons that are violating environmental justice or adding more information to the green prisons' programs section would be beneficial to make the article more efficient in practical knowledge.
 * 3) Note any additional thoughts, questions, or considerations not captured in any earlier comments that you would like the author to consider moving forward. Great job Hailie!