User:DLEE83/Bilingual education by country or region/Handrew2depaul Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

DLEE83


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:DLEE83/Bilingual_education_by_country_or_region?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Bilingual education by country or region

Evaluate the drafted changes
Nice work Dana. I had no idea Japan was a monolingual nation, I find this very interesting and thank you for all that you will and have contributed to this wiki page. I believe your article is a good start, but needs a little more work to help a novice like me.

Lead & Organization

I see that your article adds to a wiki article that is a list of bilingual education by country or region, so you don’t need to add to the original article’s lead. But I think your addition should lead to the Japanese section. It begins:

“In Japan, the need for bilingualism (mostly Japanese and English) has been pointed out, and there are some scholars who advocate teaching children subjects such as mathematics using English rather than Japanese.[9] As part of this proposal, subjects such as history, however, would be taught solely in Japanese.”

This can be referenced in your lead paragraph and follow your update to the original page.

I think you should consider leading your paragraph with two sentences such as, “Japan is a mono-language nation geographically isolated from the rest of the world. Japanese living in Asia go to Japanese schools and learn subjects in their Japanese language.”

The lead paragraph seems to include some things that should be in the following paragraphs, such as the three types of bilingual learning. And why Japan can only focus on the third type of bilingual learning. Also I think Cummins' study about learning a second language could be included in this paragraph. About how when a learner has their native language learned they are ready to learn the second language.

I guess I would like to know the following from your article. (maybe with this organization?)


 * 1) Why does Japan speak only one language? What do they see as the benefits?
 * 2) What are the problems associated with a mono-lingual nation?
 * 3) You have this, I would just add a bit to it. The three types of Bilingual learning, why Japan can not do the first two, and how Cummings thoughts on second language learning supports how Japanese students could learn a second language the third way.
 * 4) Where are they headed in the future?

I think the answers to some of these questions are in your article which is great! But, maybe they should be arranged a bit differently to help someone like me who knows nothing about Japan, the culture, and their plans in this area.

Each of the sections could then have a header.

I am not saying these have to be the paragraphs, just what would help someone like me.

Also your paragraph on minorities could maybe be a part of the future. The quote from the original article from above could maybe go into that paragraph as well.

Finally then your lead paragraph should indicate what you are covering in the following paragraphs.

A few concepts I did not understand, maybe clarification is needed?

“The work of Cummins (the cognitive and academic art and development of retraining the benefits of the first language of any immigrants) has been beneficial in detailing how personal language maintenance improves family relationships. Cummins forms a large proportion of Japanese pride as it retains its heritage through its language.[2]”

I think you need to clarify what Cummins taught. The part in the parenthesis confused me. So you are saying his teachings support Japan's desire to be a monolingual nation? To benefit their culture and heritage. Maybe it could be said a little simpler? Or clarify what he taught?

The sentence, “The world computed of the citizens have a dynamic way of dealing with activities

in its commercial sector.”  needs some clarification

I believe organizing your work into a more clear structure is the most important thing to improve your article. You did a very nice job staying neutral, and including reasons why bilingualism would be benefit to Japanese students and seeing both sides of how monolingualism is beneficial to families. I learned some things I did not know!