User:DancingDoggo14/Fyodor Alexeyevich Golovin/Canesandpeace Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

DancingDogg014


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:DancingDoggo14/Fyodor_Alexeyevich_Golovin?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Fyodor Alexeyevich Golovin

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead section could be updated and extended given the expansion of the page. With the new sections added like Fyodor's background, there could be added sentences to the lead section which highlights the most important of the added material. The lead also focuses on his impact on others and the broadest at a glance facts on Fyodor so there should be a better summary of his life and achievements rather than purely the top titles he possessed.

In my view, I think it may make sense to combine the sections on the Great Embassy and The Russian Navy and Fleet since The Great Embassy and its' influence is the overall theme of both sections. Split these into subsections within the whole section to show their relation and continuing theme of the Great Embassy. Maybe name them something like "Fyodor's political beginnings" and "Impact on the Russian Navy", and also add "Turk Negotiations and the Azov Fleet", too. Also, the first paragraph on the background section seems more like a lead than background. If there is any information on his childhood that would be more fitting for a background introduction.

The reference section could be split into two different as the bullet points do not flow into the numbered list very well. There are a few sentences here and there without any sources that do include some information, so if any sources could be added to those that would be more reliable. "After 'touring' Europe with Peter 1, Golovin was deemed to be one of Peter's favorite and most trusted members. Coming from an old boyar family, he was well educated with the ability to speak latin. Furthermore, his ability to speak latin enabled him to communicate with Jesuits at court and converse with Europeans as well." That whole section at the end of background has no sources listed. If there are none, then the information is unverifiable.Also, if two or more sources include information for a given sentences I think you should cite those as well to give the information more credibility.

A thorough review of the grammar and sentence structure should be done. The first paragraph of the background section needs complete sentences by adding a subject, like who was born and died. "Born in Russia in the year 1650—died in Russia, July 30th, 1706. Served prominently under the reign of Peter I." Who was born in Russia? Just add the subject to sentences like these.

The last sentence of the Great Embassy section could use a rewrite to avoid using "in conclusion" as we are not making an argument. " In conclusion, Fyodor Alexyevich Golovin was extremely important to Peter and was responsible for hiring numerous talented individuals to be a part of his 'Grand Embassy'." It is also repetitive to was he was important to Peter I from the other parts of the draft which say he became one of Peter's favorites and the like.

The content stays neutral so that isn't a problem. There are good links to other wikipedia articles and the added pictures make the draft pop and look good.

Overall I think the article could use some content on Fyodor's early life if there is any source that has that information. Then reevaluate the structure and division of the sections. Making complete sentences and editing the sentence structure to allow for better flow and avoid confusion would improve the article.