User:Daniel F Best

Hello, I’m now using Wikipedia to upload some history about a band that might be of renewed interest, called Two Five Burn - a post-grunge grunge band that nearly got signed in the late 1990s and has various offshoots at the present time.

Are you okay? I'm worried about you. Your posts on social media have been slightly off the wall, and you don't look well in them. I know we are all self-isolating, and social distancing, but can you not see how social media is giving you, my friends, the wrong perspective about the truth of what reality is? I'm not calling the entire internet to be at fault, yet it seems that there is a disease. And there is. At the moment, it is called COVID-19, passed on by the Coronavirus. People are dying from the symptoms, and as a result, the entire world society has changed.

We were once "free", to go out, to sit all day at whichever coffee shop we so chose, and this only as the unemployed, and unemployable, who had particular disabilities, and illnesses, as like i myself have also been diagnosed. And we, the disabled, and unemployed who ended up on benefits, found ourselves sitting, day by day, watching as we would be surrounded by those employed, ie., construction workers, blue collar workers, shop assistants, bus drivers, and also school children, who would fill the streets at peak times. In any case, it was all become very stressful and tense, and you may even recall several instances in which you yourself had to contend with a difficult situation that threatened violence. In effect, it culminated in war, a civil war, between two factions of society that we were never aware existed. It was a civil war: didn't Leonard Cohen sing, "There's a war between the rich and poor, a war between the man and the woman". The entire situation could be borne out in lieu of the state of the world, Jews fighting Muslims in a bid for Palestine. The left fighting the right; the republicans and the democrats. Since a long time, we were totally divided. There we were, millions of us all crowded into such a small space as our cities and towns, and we all had to live together, and it was not a peaceful time. We knew it to be true: things had to change.

Things have changed society many times - the last time (before the Coronavirus outbreak) was 9/11. This was 2001, with the destruction of the World Trade Centre Towers, and the death of over 5000 people in them. It was an enlightenment for all of us who witnessed it. So many of us had never seen the likes before, of a world wide event of such importance. And yet, this disaster had been prophesied in much underground literature, and in surreptitious intonations within certain media productions, such as TV, films, and books. Even then, we may have taken the predictions with a pinch of salt, and the glory of it was that, even after the event, many of us still couldn't figure out what on Earth it happened for, many of us developing our own theories, and many coming to the conclusions of the existence of a secret society that was in control of the world. Some people thought it was about oil in America, and some thought it was about creating a terrorist threat, that culminated in The War on Terror, and hence, society changed. Paranoia about Muslims was spread (for to blame them was the most coherent and sensible thing to do). Conspiracy theorists blamed the Jews, and said it was an inside job. In fact, if we're honest, we all thought it was an inside job. We blamed the Muslims, but we couldn't fathom how they could have planned such an event, especially without government assistance. Was it for money, that so many died? There may well have been financial gain on the part of some episcopal moguls. However, such a theory, I suspect, would have been a counterproductive endeavor, and it must be admitted, there were indeed religious connotations. And society changed immediately after that. Security was tightened for travel; in America was a deeply anti-Islamic feeling. And you could not claim that there was any good to come of such an atrocity. But now we can see, that these atrocities happen for far deeper reasons than we can ever know.

Here in Britain, just prior to the Coronavirus outbreak, as I have said, tensions were increasingly high. Everybody could feel things worsening in social life. In the town where I live more and more aggression was becoming rife, and people were becoming antagonistic toward each other. It was a total mess, because here we were, all lumped in together, trying our best to state our social outlooks without trying to cause violence. And for the most part, we succeeded. But society moves on at a great pace, and one that is natural. Trees grow in the forest, and they can become overgrown, and they need to be cultivated, and nurtured. But also, people grow in numbers at a great rate quicker than they pass away. So the world was becoming too full for comfort. But I am not condoning the deaths of the surplus population. No. A cull, while economically even a viable solution to the worlds diminishing resources, is by no means something that can be palatable to the everyday person. It is only in extreme times when this measure is even considered, and, at that, only in light of a pandemic. That is, we acquiesced to the political solutions that were the only ones of which we could think. In particular, we said we would put the frail, the sick and the elderly on the other side of the threshold of who we should sacrifice in the name of protecting the rest of us.

As soon as we heard of the Coronavirus outbreak, many of us laughed, and imagined it folly that we here in this side of the world would be affected. It did, however, make its way across the globe, gradually and threateningly, and the government measures came into place as soon as we here became scared of becoming infected. Very soon we stopped laughing.

It took a matter of weeks before those with "unnecessary" employment were instructed to stop working, and to go home, and "self-isolate". This created a panic, and people went out and bought as much toilet roll as they could. It was then that supermarkets started to have depleted supplies. And then, it was understood that we were no longer able to be wasteful and selfish with essential goods. Where before, in what might be called the hey-day of technological simplicity (in terms of being able to make orders for almost anything for which you wish, from the comfort of your own home), we were able to control our entire worlds from just the digital applications on our smartphones, and tablets and PCs, we now have to make our own ways to pick up essentials from the few shops that are open in the name of survival. In many ways, it is a return to the days after the Second World War, in which your grandmother would have to go out to the shops every day, in which to stock up on the items that would get her family through that day. Now, in this time, we are very much in the mode of survival.

The threat of Coronavirus has affected us all. Some are working; some are self-isolating. It's been a purge of society, and in many ways, you can see how we might benefit from this overhaul. The stringent restrictions and rules that have been put in place: to stay indoors unless you must need work; to keep a respectful two metre distance from one another; to be allowed to go out just once a day, and only for exercise, or to be a carer for someone, or to shop for essentials - are now fully in place. We are not allowed to gather in groups of more than two; such parties will be dispersed. We must social distance, and, it seems to me, that this is culminated in a total avoidance, and awareness, of others we may see walking towards us. I can remember the state of the streets before, when this was much more concentrated. There are so many less people walking around today, that you wonder how we coped. In one way, you feel a little more at ease, that you are not about to be insulted, offended, or attacked by some stressed out individual, as you go about your day. The schools are closed, the sports centres and clubs have been discontinued, any businesses that are not essential to the survival of society have been disallowed their livelihood. And more, and this is the big one: the religious institutions have shut down. You cannot go to a church, or a mosque, or a synagogue, or a Kingdom Hall. Therefore, at this time, there is no religion. We are automatons in the mode of survival.

I'm so sure Coronavirus is a mental illness that is created by the use of social media. (delete)

What is Coronavirus? According to government authorities, it is a debilitating respiratory disease that can be passed on from person to person, and which can cause death. I believe I have had symptoms. I believe, in fact, that I have had symptoms of COVID-19 for at least as long as six months. The symptoms are: a new persistent cough, and a high temperature. In fact, these symptoms, for such a long time, were slightly different to this. I would feel nauseated, and uncomfortable, unable to relax, and this was even before the pandemic reached Britain. I also smoked marijuana - a lot of it: at least ten pounds worth each day. I can recall feeling the desire to leave my apartment, to venture into town where my plans would be to either sit at my local coffee shop, and sit and work on my studies, or play cards, and do card and coin magic for people. In fact, this goes back even to the summer of 2019. In fact, I had been feeling out of sorts for a very long time, and my mission was to try to understand myself within the constructs of the way society operated in the town in which I live. In fact, much of my time had been spent attempting to gain a partner, something which I have not had since the year 2001. I tried everything: being funny, being lovely, being generous, getting fit - and all the while, I would try to engage the social "zeitgeist" to my own advantage, by surreptitiously "asking" each person what I could do, and how I could improve myself. This, of course, was not explicit questioning, but moreover a tacit communication with the members of the general public. And to a large degree, this conduct I found both satisfying at times, and incredibly unsatisfactory at others. It was schizophrenic. And yes, this is my diagnosis: Schizophrenia. I suppose I felt alone, within a social scene that could not abide by a mentally ill man, and it was becoming a horrible endeavour. And yet, for some reason, perhaps stupidity, perhaps something I had no control over, I continued on in this vein - walking the streets, as like a pawn, or player in a phantasmagorical game of chess. And sometimes I would feel as if I was coming closer to my goal, to meet someone, be they man or woman - and yet nothing. For twenty years, nothing. Nobody wanted to meet me. It was enough to send a person insane. Fortunately for me, I had already been insane. It seemed to me to be a fact, that every day what I had to contend with was the belligerence of regular people, who had one thing in mind: to send me completely insane. I mean it! I relapsed for the first time in ten years in the year 2017, for just such a reason. This was, as I see it, because society intrinsically desires that you are able to be perfect... a perfect person. And the way I interpreted this was that I had to beat my schizophrenia. The way I interpreted this, was that I believed people desired me to be a perfect thinker, a perfect person, perfect in morals and goodness, with no flaws - and I very much mean NO flaws whatsoever. The day of that 2017 relapse, I was writing, for I thought it my duty, to somehow educate the public, and through new and perfect thinking styles, which I bore out in my writing a diary, which was a book. Every thought I had, I wrote, and would seem to placate passersby, and I felt this to be a strain on my mental health. For once you have tried so hard to think through some social problem, be it a problem concerning another's whims, fears or doubts, thinking can take it's toll, especially when the reward is nothing. You would receive at the very most a nod of recognition. My goal was to achieve love, and I have forgiven, but still remember the debilitating pain of rejection, from members of all genders. I had come to believe that I was unattractive, unlovable, and unwanted in society. Yet, at the same time, I was aware that my talent for alleviation of certain "hang-ups" (of many social individuals), which I was able to do easily, well, it was a good thing. The only thing was, that it only culminated in the feeling of singularity; I very much felt like there was no one for me, and nothing I could do about it. Such conduct I was ignorant enough to become used to, becoming grandiose in the thought that there is no one like me, that I am a complete individual. I mean, really, not a single person for twenty years was interested in what I had to offer, no matter how hard I tried. And I suspect, that individuals are unwittingly searching for a Christlike figure, for I was able to see that in the light of a single success, or even a succession of successes (whatever they may be: a fine word, a nice gesture), nothing less than absolute and total and utter perfection was required, merely to gain the interest enough from some desirable human, and it would not last long. For I am human, and maybe it was the case, that perhaps other's initial impression of me was that I was unable to fail. So it would be a terrible feeling, to extend my every passion and capacity in order to gain a modicum of affection from a desirable stranger, only to then reveal a tenuous imperfection by dint of my very human nature, that seemed to crush the individual to their very core. I very much noticed this effect. And though it got to me, and got to me hard, I persisted, and persisted in the belief that this "perfection" that everyday social entities seemed to desire so badly - well - I believed it must have existed, that it was attainable. And my daily mission was then to pursue such perfection. But inevitably, this so called perfection is not an Earthly capability, and in fact, from my perspective, and perhaps the perspective of natural social dynamics, it only culminates in madness. To bear this out, I found the only times when I did gain the full attentions of general members of society, was when I did go insane. To prove my point, I did go insane on a number of occasions, in light of this endeavour, and found myself the amusement of these automatons. Those bastards loved me then. So I have realised, that of the two options of being a Christlike figure or a madman that people can laugh at his embarrassing failure, people would be satisfied to know that it was not they who had gone mad. This is the way of social dynamics; it is very crude, and on this level of crudity, people can hardly be blamed. In life there are always dichotomies: positive and negative, freedom and slavery, male and female, Muslim and Jewish. It makes sense that I ended up to be schizophrenic. For that placates society; that makes them feel sane; that satisfies them. I am forever an outsider.

COVID-19 is rife on planet Earth. Where I live there are all types of personalities, that adhere to different perspectives on the matter. There are those who wear masks and sit on buses, facing away from you. There are runners in parks, making full use of the government recommendations that we do go out for exercise. There are fathers and mothers taking their offspring for walks. There are bus drivers, and petrol garage attendants, and construction workers, and those who work in the European food markets, and there are convenience shop owners, and we are grateful for each of them. There are those you know, and those you don't. And depending on your day's mood, many people are generally quite happy. I admit it, life is friendlier now. Society has changed over night, from the dichotomous mixture of workers and the unemployed (all in one melting pot of tension), to those expendables being now confined to their homes, whereas the relevant are outside, continuing to keep the country moving. Self-isolation is the new mode; I have never seen so many individuals walking around in their apartments, as I have recently seen from my window, that overlooks the block of rooms across from where I live.

But I must confess, I do not believe in Coronavirus. That is to say, I do not believe in it as a biological infection, anymore than I believe schizophrenia is a biological infection. The Coronavirus pandemic is clearly an evolution of society. Things had to change, and now they have. You can see that the individuals that, for example, wear masks, they certainly have a paranoia in their mind. You can see it from their manner, and behaviour. Those fearful of being infected, well, they are the ones who have been unable to disconnect from the totality of the mainstream media, of which even the social media applications are indeed a part. I was once like them, but have since switched off the box, and especially the BBC, and in particularly, the news channels. These sources are poisonous and poison alike, and you can see the individuals that have been deeply affected by them.

No. I believe, and explicitly claim, that Coronavirus is a psychological pandemic - not a biological virus. Of course, it is natural, in the same sense that information technology is, and always was, at the forefront of human understanding, because of course, it is so akin to the most natural of human attributes: language. For example, when we were first introduced to the smartphone, what a wonderful technological advance that was, and most desirable. To have a shiny new device on which you could not only call your peers from anywhere in the world (battery providing), but you could talk to strangers, and meet people with similar interests, and discuss all manner of cultural topics. And furthermore, you were able to shoot videos, and take images, and record sounds, and listen to music, and it was all very exciting. Very soon, almost every single one of us on the planet was in possession of a smartphone, and what a great thing that, at any time of day or night, you could communicate with your long lost family from overseas, by the touch of a button.

I feel we lost our way with this technology. I am reminded of the fears of the monks and high priests, of the age of the printing press, who said it was no good to let all the members of society become able to read and write. For their information was considered sacred, and secret, and they hated that soon all of this would change. Nevertheless, the common man became literate, and those higher echelons of academia had to keep surreptitious their academic advances. The spread of information freely, was considered a danger. So perhaps, with the advent of public access to almost any information that was available, the use of devices to engender this access had been abused. With information technology freely available, well, I imagine the majority of society became complacent in this. Isn't it true, that if we know we can do something, then somehow the urgency passes, and we feel we would be forgiven if we did not carry out our given task. In short, the type of things we do on our devices, such as comment on social media, and upload videos to Youtube, etc, etc, well, they are hardly to take the effort of the endeavours of say, Dickens, or Shakespeare, who spent their lives doing all the hard work. Yes, most of social media enterprise is submission in the approach of meme liking, and basic comments - these things were all seen as popular cultural pastimes. But let's face it, such conduct is not such an expression of creation as it may feel. Dickens would have been proud to have called himself the story teller of generations, but whomsoever has written the internet is no Dickens. This is a similarity with the zeitgeist of the times of 9/11, where that was a situation in which it was mode to be as horrible and negative as possible to whomsoever you found on the other side of the computer screen. It would never do. With the 9/11 era of technology we had the new invention of the internet, borne out with computers. With this era of Coronavirus, it is mobile communications that has left people disaffected and out of touch with the whims of reality, nature, humanity, and their true culture. Culture itself was never intended to be virtual, and perhaps that is a failing of the human condition, but somewhere along the line we have stopped listening to the wise, and rejected everything that the modern age was built upon, such as religious writings, prophetic scripture, and the basic morality of mankind. We really are the virus, and for want of another way of putting it, we have taken the piss. Armando Iannucci has said it at the turn of the century: "There are only two things that give us absolute and total pleasure. Unwrapping a newly bought DVD, and watching other people fail!"

I was walking around my town today, for my daily exercise, for which I finally have a nice little routine going, since I'm happy on my new medication, and off weed. I walked to my parents' house (which I was advised not to do, for father is ill, but did anyway, because I wanted to take care of my old man, and make sure he's feeling okay), and I had a glass of water and talked to pops, about this and that, the Coronavirus situation, and also physics. He was listening to what I had to say for a change, which was about the torque force in mechanics. And I was glad he was listening, but I guess that when you're knowledgeable about certain topics, it's not to be unexpected. But I spoke to father, and then mother showed up, sort of had a go at me about coming over when dad is "ill", and then dad and I went to the shed where he showed me his new invention of a type of clamp, that was quite ingenious. Gary next door was in his garden, and I said hello, and we all a nice ten minute conversation about the Coronavirus situation, and then we all went back to our lives. Dad decided to leave the house (I think he was feeling better for the conversing), and also mum decided she would like a walk, and we walked through the park all the way over to the other side, where she left me, after giving me advice on my mental health situation in which my schizophrenia is controlled by medication, which has recently been switched over. Mum walked back through the park, while I myself continued on my journey which is a planned route upon which I can visit some friends of mine, Charlie and his girlfriend Julia, who live on the way. I knocked on their window, and they soon came outside, and I provided them with several pre-rolled weed roll ups, which I think was appreciated, and we had a chat, and I told Charlie of the things of which I had been learning at my university degree course, and soon made my way into town.

And there I was in town, finding myself walking over to the Tesco's where I wanted to purchase some cheese, milk and tobacco. You could see the various different stereotypes of the age, standing in queues, or walking by with their children or bags, and I sensed the feeling that not as many people were as in as good a mood as I. Yet I greeted as many as would allow me to greet them, with a smile or a wave or a word. For it is a fundamental truth, that no matter what the social situation is, people in society (as I know it by my town) are more friendly than ever. I suppose that a short while ago, we perhaps had some difficulty in this modern approach to communicating. I remember as short a while as four weeks ago, we certainly had nothing whatever to say to each other. So at least this Coronavirus situation has given all of us a common theme of discussion; we each know what the other is truly thinking, and that, my friends, is anxiety about the fear of dying from COVID-19. By the British way, we know to keep calm and carry on, and my personal viewpoint is unconventional.

In anycase, as I reached the relatively short queue outside Tesco's, and waited there, rolling a cigarette, I noticed a woman to my left, trying to light a cigarette with a lighter that was broken. She soon realised it was broken, and looked at the queue for the shop from which it seemed she wanted to purchase a lighter. She said (to nobody in particular (which you are socially allowed to do in this age)), "Is this the line for the shop?" And I answered her: "Are you looking for a light?" To this she admitted that she was, and approached me to take the one I held out. "Extreme circumstances!" I laughed, as she reached forward and received the object. She was a white woman, with a type of auburn-brown hair and a reddish face, with plain clothes, and a deeply determined concern on her face. "I think it's a conspiracy," she asserted, matter of factly. "Of course it fucking is, love!" I replied in all seriousness. Then I said, "You are the first person ever to say that to me, and I think you're spot on!" "It's Boris Johnson and Trump who're doing all this," she said. Then she began to explain that, last year, her boyfriend committed suicide, and then she said, "I think he knew about all this, and that's why he did it." She lit her cigarette, and handed me the lighter back. "It's out with the old, in with the new," she said. "Fucking right," I said. And then she introduced herself as Jade, and I told her my name, and she shook my hand, and it was fine. In fact, I understood exactly the situation, and though it is not a recommendation that we do these things, I was glad to have met somebody else who has the same feelings as I do. We said goodbye, and I said stay safe, and she walked off, and I continued waiting in line. I got my groceries, and then I got the bus back to my area.

Some people frown on you if you believe in conspiracies. However, I tend to be of the feeling that, at this age of time, people are becoming anxious beyond belief about what they are seeing on the news channels, and in the media. I must say, I shall be pursuing my own thoughts as to what Coronavirus actually is, and why people are dying from it, and what can be done about it. to give you some sort of insight into this, my general leaning, at this time, is that the information technology that is the essence of the age, which culminates in television and the internet (when improperly approached) is a causing a deep and terrible mass psychosis, or neurosis, from the hysteria and fever that is going on all over the world right now. In short (and something to be investigated), the problem is social media. The problem is that people need to think for themselves. They certainly do need to do this, yet as I see it, when you get your thoughts from the posts and comments and clips of things that people share on facebook and twitter and all the other unnecessary amalgamations of email services, that are purely economic devices, you start to absorb yourself into believing certain things, things that, in reality, in actualreality, as opposed to virtual reality, actually are not true at all. In fact they have no bearing on life. When you are inside your home, looking at a screen in your hands, and it seems like such conduct is the order of the day, and such a screen seems to be telling you that there are people looking into your life, and you into theirs, that is a lie of the devil - because the reality of that situation is that there is no one really there. They are imaginary, and may as well be robots, or "bots". And also, from the point of view of a schizophrenic, it is a false zeitgeist, and the way things are, as we engage in this new social condition of self-isolation and social distancing, is that it is akin to hearing voices.

Much can be achieved by the power of belief. We naturally and necessarily, as part of the human condition, often rely on the opinions and assertions of others about who we really are in ourselves. And the media, social media and television, are telling us that we are going to die of a disease if we so much as breathe near the wrong person. I wish to investigate this further. There is indeed a pandemic, yet it is not what social media claims it to be. Coronavirus is certainly a virus, yes. But I am beginning to suspect that it is not this "biological" substance that so many have claimed it to be. This certainly does need investigation. And what else needs investigation, is the proof of the theory that people themselves can be convinced that they are so sick, that they can do nothing else except follow the thread of society, and start to die. I will investigate this further.

Whether Coronavirus is a conspiracy or not, I must admit, it is better to acquiesce in the entire act than to try to transcend it - because however far away from the influence of the mainstream media you are, there will always be the social feelings that everybody has to deal with. You have, in essence, to buy into it, because if you don't, you are exposed. There is a word for a conspiracy that you think is generated in your personal favour, and inasmuch as I have experienced this phenomenon, to describe it is not particularly worthwhile. Today I have realised this. My position has been one that is geared towards the conviction that Coronavirus is not necessarily a biological virus, such as a military creation for purposes of war, or a germ that can infect you. My position has been that Coronavirus, even though people are dying from COVID-19, has more to do with the effects of constantly looking at your smartphone device and the various social media applications on those. I feel that I know how it works, and I feel that even the televisual media, particularly the news channels, are making people paranoid and mentally ill, by exposing them to the truths of their own inner thoughts and desires, which we would normally imagine are personal secrets, yet which seem to be getting in the way of regular living, in the sense that we as society seem to be able to detect what the particular problems of people are. People cannot face themselves, because they cannot accept themselves, because society tells us that we cannot. When you feel so guilty about who you are and the truth of what you want to accept about yourself, you can become very unwell. My position has been that I think that is what is happening. My position has been that Coronavirus is a psychological neurosis that can affect you so deeply that you start to feel sick. I have even felt the same about other, regular illness, such as the common cold, and have even staved off such illnesses in light of this idea. I have felt that many illnesses are psychosomatic. I feel that psychosomatic phenomena is badly overlooked in medicine, hence not taken seriously. I wonder how many feel the same. I wonder at the truth of this. But I know it has been my truth. I feel I am immune to much illness. Yet I have not been able to say the same for my mental health. It certainly feels, at this time, that I am walking among the mentally ill; that everybody is suffering from some sort of schizophrenia. Everybody is paranoid, and people don't look well, even though they may not have contracted any illness. I think it's a sort of guilt that you can see on the streets. Guilt that manifests itself in a physical way. Do we not feel that our thoughts are intended to be private? Yet in reality, everything is connected.

These have been my positions. However, now, since coming back from my daily walk around the area, I have chosen to say that Coronavirus is a real and biological threat. I have chosen to acquiesce in the exact zeitgeist in which people are living. In all honesty, people are becoming wary of me, for I appear way too happy walking the routes of the town, in the midst of a pandemic in which people are dying at a certain high rate. I do not have the cure to COVID-19, but I have often thought I did. And my conduct in the world is left wanting. I have been whistling, and calling out, and talking to people I do not know. In my defense, society has changed completely, overnight, and it is unsettling and difficult to adjust to. I'm not used to it, and nor are others, and we are all coming to terms with the changes and recommendations. I have thought that I have the key to prevention of infection, but I must need to wake up. I need to wake up to the fact that people are scared, and do not wish to contract the global disease. So tomorrow, I shall make no allusions to the experiences that I have had, and join in with the zeitgeist, the spirit of the times. I suppose I shall be allowed to be friendly and happy, but only to a certain degree. It is not my prerogative to spread cheer and happiness - for what is there to be happy about? This pandemic may last for weeks, or months, or even years. And by the end, we will have purged a great portion of society. I wish to last as long as possible.

Perhaps this is it? Perhaps the pandemic will last until every last individual is extinguished from the world. Perhaps I myself will be the last person on Earth? Perhaps it is my duty to die for the world, so that others may continue to live? I do not know. All I know is that every day is a learning experience.

Today my Muslim neighbour was angry at me, and I couldn't see why. His son was trying to translate what he was communicating, and from what I can gather, he was saying, "Have you got a problem?" I had no idea what he was talking about. But I have thought about it, and it is a case of me getting my just desserts, because I have been a perpetual nuisance to this estate for the last few weeks. But it is over now, I am well - at least, as well as I need to be. Although, people are people, and behaviour is behaviour, and today mine was horrible. No matter what the situation, you cannot be going around wolf whistling at women's bottoms, and saying "Phwoar, you're gorgeous!" to whoever takes my fancy - even if it feels like you can, and even if it seems like they are allowing this. It is not correct conduct. So my position now is one of acquiescence. I fully submit to the media frenzy and fear. I may even have to look at the news... I haven't been. I have long since switched off the television, and deleted my social media accounts, and in truth I want no part of it; I want no inclination of what it is that is scaring people so much. But perhaps the media are merely reporting? It begs the question of the sources of conspiracy. For who on Earth can have the power to engender such a terrible thing that is happening? Who can think vastly enough to be able to control the entire debacle? We are all pawns in a game, and a conspiracy is a matter of religion. Some think they are on God's side, and that the others are on Satan's, and that applies to every religion. But we are all pawns in a game. We can only do what it is that we are supposed to do. And in the end we all do exactly what we are intended for. That's the game, and that's how it is. There is no Earthly being with the power to control things for personal gain so constituted that it would murder thousands of people. To think such a thing is paranoia in itself. So now my position is one of absolute acquiescence to the zeitgeist - I must be sensitive to what people are feeling, even if it is born of superfluous information, and poisonous thoughts. But everybody is different; we are all having our own thoughts, and who knows the truth? Perhaps we are all telling the truth. Perhaps that's the point. Me personally, I am happy to live on as a hard working student of physics. But now, my position is one of acquiescence.

Well, today was a Thursday, and a 10th of April in the year 2020, and not an incredible amount of occurrence was the order of it. However, in the previous night, there was an occurrence, and I wish to explain. At something like 12:30 am I took a quarter of a sleeping tablet, and slowly fell asleep, and soon fell into a vivid dream. In this dream I was listening to something my sister was saying, with two of her old friends listening, and what she said was something that her two friends seemed to find somehow disagreeable - yet, my particular presence in the room caused her entire quote to seem to make sense to her two friends, who then could see my sister in a good light; an agreeable light. And then the dream developed, and in my realisation about my relative integrity to my sister, I found I was able to so and say almost anything to anyone that I saw fit. In fact, what proved this was when I told a third friend of my sister's (in jocularity) to "Fuck off, Rochelle!". And such a phrase put to her was enough to give Rochelle the confidence to speak at a thousand words a second, and in fact she seemed to be excited and motivated to speak for some moments. And then what happened, in short, was that I was holding my sister's second child, a boy, in my arms, and he looked at me with a furious face, as though to say, "Fuck you, Daniel! I've been in hell for the last thousand years!" In any case, I woke up, and the time was about 3:35 am, and I realised that I had just had a psychotic dream, and that my experiences (related to weed addiction and my recent weening off of it) were not just in my head. And I was tired, but my subconscious was awake, and I fail to be able to sleep well in this state, and I found myself needing to answer a forum post on my university website. Why I found this event to be a such a notable occurrence was because the essence of my post was rooted in the religious nature of the particular time of year, and in fact I was really writing to alleviate a feeling of fear, that i felt was also being experienced by a great deal more people than merely myself. In short, I had to give something. In any case, having finished my post, I decided to drop another half of a sleeping tablet, and then slowly fell asleep and didn't awake until ten in the morning.

As I say, what was notable about this day, was nothing in particular. However, the lessons of the previous day had taught me to be wary of the inner thinking of society. That is, that I made the effort to acquiesce in the coronavirus zeitgeist. And having to go out shopping (to the Morrisons up at Stirling Corner), I found myself waiting in a line of ten or twelve people all at a two metre distance from one another, which in fact was soon to move along very quickly, and I was in the shop, and selecting goods, and noticing the social distancing etiquette of all the people in there. And then I paid for my chosen groceries, meanwhile feeling very nervous in my acquiescence to the zeitgeist, to the point of breaking several bags whilst filling them, and changing them, and breaking some more, and it was all very comical. (A good thing was that I had earned forty five pounds worth of shop vouchers). I got the bus back home, and I struggled to carry my shopping bags back to my apartment, where I unloaded the bags and made a cup of coffee. That was my shopping experience.

But soon after this I received a telephone call from an unknown caller, who introduced himself as a representative from the mental health services. Here we go, I thought, as he claimed that "We're worried that you're becoming mentally ill". When people say these things, you often only wish to request them fuck off, because what the fuck do they know? And it was true! What the fuck did he know? I asked him why he thought this, and he claimed my mother had spoken to a doctor and was worried about me, and now they were worried about my mental health. In any case, it was true - my mum had spoken to the doctor, worried I was relapsing, and actually, the truth of the truth of it is that she Italic text had spoken to a doctor, yet this was last week. I asked the representative to talk to my mother about the matter, because I found the more he furthered his inquiry, the more shit I began to talk, and such conduct is dangerous and scary. You can get in very much trouble. The representative hung up the phone, and I was waiting for an angry half an hour to receive a call from either a doctor or my mother. After that time, with no response whatsoever, I myself called my mum, and she had not been answering calls. I was angry; my mother asked me why I was angry, and I said, "Because I'm going to wind up in hospital for no apparent reason and it's your fault." "Thanks!" she said sarcastically. "You're welcome," I responded with passive aggression. "Thanks!" she repeated. "You're welcome," I repeated with intention. It all culminated in my request that she phone the representative, and soon she did phone him, and got back to me, and explained that she had found the representative not to have been a dickhead, but very pleasant, and in any case, the whole debacle was resolved. I was able to continue with the day's working on my mathematics and physics degree. In fact, the day continued without much other occurrence, other than several phone calls to friends to whom I was checking up on, or who were checking up on me. At eight o'clock, the estate on which I live stood at their balconies and clapped for the NHS, and I joined in, and was happy to do so. For I no longer watch mainstream television, so there was no other way of knowing of this event of clapping, other than by a text from a friend who probably still watches the BBC. After the clapping I made myself a seafood stir fry with rice, and spent the rest of the night working on my mathematics and physics degree. And so it goes.

It is 11.06 pm, and Good Friday, the eleventh of April, in the first three weeks or so of the British coronavirus lockdown. And I wish to try to express some thoughts and ideas about the situation. At this time, we are all individuating our concepts of what on God's good Earth is going on in the planet. I could refer to two individuals that I know, who are separated boyfriend and girlfriend, and who have very different notions on the whole thing. One of the individuals, a good friend, is a media man - that is to say, he works for the media in different aspects and, I suppose, thrives on the "truth" of their machinations, for instance, in the whims and ways of the BBC and, in effect, the Tory government. On the other hand, his ex-girlfriend is a true believer in conspiracy theories. These different points of view are the essence of the current dichotomy. I can see things from both points of view, although I am not entirely sure about the exact details of the conspiracy theories, whereas I am very aware of the ideas of the government and scientific point of view. I must admit, I find myself skeptical about the latter, due to a naive realism that concerns absolute conviction in whatever it is the media are presenting to the public. Yet this naive view is what I have generally been talking about in the above paragraphs, and it is something which I have vowed to "go in for", for the sanctity of my place in society. The alternative is to go in for the conspiracies that might be eventual and may have a modicum of truth to it and, if not truth, then a certain "warmth" in the feelings of their persuasions. Whereas, for me personally, the position of government has a feeling I fail to be able to fully trust - not merely because it seems to be a position of submission to type of "technical" thinking, if you will. And this technical, mechanical thinking, well, it seems to lack a certain humanity. That is, it seems robotic and also, in that sense, somehow dangerous.

My friend's conspiracy-believing ex-girlfriend has some certainly questionable views on the events of the atrocities that have frequently reared their head in historical narrative. For example, she believes that the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks was a fake, namely, that it was holographically engineered and never really occurred at all. And certain things such as this. My friend hates this about her. But what I think has some validity to this view is not that it was an actual hologram at the time, but in light of what it is to be a human, and in light of what it is to have human memories and experiences, I can understand the suspicion. What I mean by this is merely that those memories and experiences, whilst they are the constructs of who we are in this moment they still are subjective impressions. And we can certainly doubt our own thoughts. For what reality does an event in the past have when we are living for the now? For all we know, these thoughts, memories and reflections may have been placed in our imagination by proxy; the proxy of the singularity of being in the here and now. For all we know, life is completely and totally a product of our own imagination. Perhaps this could be understood by saying the narrative of our own existence is written all by ourselves. Such a view might be hard to understand. But let's say the subjective mind is all that there is in the universe. How, then, could we account for "other minds"? What would occur in the contents of those? It must approach a truth to say that, realistically, we can never truly know: the only way to tell if an other has a mind would be if we could have some personal access to it. And even in that event, you would still effectively be trapped inside that mind, as a patron of that mind. In short, you would still be you, and you would continue to be you, and you would never know anything else. What is the answer to this? Surely the only solution is to accept the situation that the one mind must necessarily be one that has multiple personalities in it. That is, the one consciousness, in order for the illusion born of imagination to work and operate effectively and economically, well, it must be that of a schizophrenic.

It is Easter Sunday, April 13, 2020. What have been the developments of the day? Well, in fact, I was awake at an early hour, perhaps five or six am, and from a dream in which the content was that I had died. I was clearly dead in my dream, and believed the truth of it. The setting was some virtual reality game. The manner of my death is now unclear, however, there was my father, in his care and love, watching on as I slipped out of life, with sadness and u