User:Dante0526/Carolyn Finney/Godawgs598 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) Dante0526


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dante0526/Carolyn_Finney?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * same as above

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

overall:


 * content looks good, if there is more out there expanding the sections would be good
 * seems neutral and unbiased
 * you cited your sources
 * i made notes on organization below
 * i like the picture, you could maybe add a few more like a pic of her book or the universities she went to or where we works
 * add links to words! this can be to other wikipedia sites and external sites too
 * an info box would be good to add
 * not sure how you feel but maybe for order do education, recognition, publications, then social media. this would be a little more chronological and give readers more background earlier. adding a career section could also be good
 * this is a great start! all the content is there just a few minor fixes! I really like that you have a social media section, ill have to add one to mine!

lead:


 * looks great!!! you could add that she is the author of black faces white spaces since that is an important thing!

social media:


 * i would keep a lot of this is present tense since she is still alive and still on social media, so maybe change "Carolyn Finney has been actively engaging social media to reach a wider range of individuals." to "Carolyn Finney actively engages in social media to reach a wide range of individuals."
 * i would change: "Having done interviews with Tavis Smiley Show, MSNBC, & Vice News Tonight where she shared her insight and gained experience on the matter of race and the world around. " maybe to "Finney has done interviews..."
 * capitalize companies (spotify etc)
 * "Carolyn Finney's podcasts can be found on spotify, apple podcast, google play, iheart radio and youtube, made available to the public." could flow better written like this: Carolyn Finney has also created a podcast on [main topic] that is available to the public on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Google Play, iHeart Radio and YouTube.
 * for this sentence, maybe explain that the pandemic has caused this shift "As shift into social media increased Carolyn Finney has also been using zoom in order to continue her livestreams and answering any question that might arise" so maybe say "As social media use increased and many events became virtual during the pandemic, Carolyn Finney transitioned to Zoom to continue her livestreams and answer audience questions."

publications:


 * "In 2014 Carolyn Finney made her first book publication with "Black Faces, White Spaces", a book that centers about the connection and relation of the black community and the environment around" since you repeat book twice here, maybe say "In 2014, Carolyn Finney published Black Faces, White Spaces, her first book that focuses on... and the surrounding environment."
 * "Carolyn Finney has since done many interviews and talks concerning her work and publications centering around her book." her book is one of her works and publications so you could cut that out and end at 'publications'

education


 * "Carolyn Finney had initially been focused on performance as an actor and dropped out of college to travel the world and pursue her acting career." this could sound a little smoother, maybe try "In her college years, Finney focused on performing as an actor and eventually dropped out to pursue a career in acting"
 * this sentence is really long so you may want to break it up a bit and combine that last one. "After 11 years of pursuing her acting career, Carolyn Finney embarecked to travel the world, which inspired her to return to College and complete her BA and MA which both focused on international development and then continue her education to a PhD with focus on African Americans and environmental issues in the US after 15 years." maybe break it up like this: "After 11 years of pursuing her acting career, Carolyn Finney embarked to travel the world, inspiring her to return to college. There, she completed her Bachelors of Arts and her Master of Arts in International Development. After graduating, she continued her education at Clark University in Massachusetts and earned her PhD with a focus on African Americans and environmental issues in the US."

recognition


 * "Had previously been Fulbright Scholar, a Canon National Parks Science Scholar and was the recipient peint of Mellon Postdoctoral Fellowship in environmental studies." may sound better like this: "Finney's work has been recognized several times, making her a Fulbright Scholar, a Canon National Parks Science Scholar, and a recipient of the Mellon Postdoctoral Fellowship in environmental studies."

selected publications

references


 * reference 2 looks a little funky...I feel like it is too long, there should really just be a title in there... also students carry needs a space in there. when I put that into google the first thing that popped up was this http://www.middlebury.edu/academics/es/faculty/node/642287 so make sure that source leads to what you want it to.