User:DarcyDU/The Crowning with Thorns (Titian, Paris)/GraceGAC Peer Review

General info
DarcyDU
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:DarcyDU/The Crowning with Thorns (Titian, Paris)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * The Crowning with Thorns (Titian, Paris)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I like your addition to the lead paragraph, as it updates readers concerning the current whereabouts of this piece of art.

I would read through the original article again, and make length and clarity edits to the wording of certain sentences. The very first sentence and the first sentences of the body paragraphs could use some reworking.

Certain sentences also stick out to me as not being neutral, such as "the violence is relieved and Christ's suffering exalted by the beauty of the colours", and "Titian pulls out all the Venetian stops and one can sense the blood flowing through the veins under the flesh." Is there a way to express these thoughts more objectively?

Concerning your prospective section additions, I would edit the title "Sculptural References of the Painting", as it was initially unclear to me if you meant to describe references that are included within the painting, or sculptures that were created to reference this painting. Within the section "Belvedere Torso", the sentence "Who is depicted in the statue is still up to debate but the most popular speculation is the Greek hero Ajax thinking over his own own suicide" could use some reworking, especially removing the double "own." The final section "Titian’s The Crowing with Thorns (Munich)" seems to be missing a few words.

With some additional details and sources, I really like your prospective additions to this article, as the existing article leaves information to be desired. Perhaps you could add some photos within your explanation of sculptural references? It might help readers draw connections between pieces of art. It might also be interesting to add more details about the process of creating this painting, if that information is accessible. I think this is a great start. Keep up the good work.