User:Darthbaby

you wasup everybody my name is earl and my current profession is : pornstar heres my moto

So i was sitting down the other day while i was eating a pear thinking about hot sauce, why does it have 5 legs and we only have 2, its not fair, i also noticed racist have fancy shoes while i only have a piece of carpet, then i ran outside and ate a banana because it was a hurricane, the old man that delivers my mail was not a man at all, but a broom, so i decided i would call the cops on that muffin thats been stalking me, blueberry my ass, then i got a tatoo on the bottom of my foot that was a picture of a drunk breadstick, i laughed so hard concrete shot out my nose. so i went to buy some x lax, because the floor was green again, when i went to the bar it was full of lizards, so i thought it was another one of those gay bars, so i burned that place down, then Martha Stewart tried to kill me with poisonous toothpicks, so i dodged the 18 wheeler and went in my clawset, because the bed bugs could not find me in there, but evantually the voices in my head told me that there was to much ahead in my life, and i should face darth vader face to face, then i fell asleep and i dreamed that i was sleeping, after that whole mess i took a bath, and pulled 4 leaches out of my nose, my hair was turning gray and i knew it was my time to forget to do the dishes, then my face imploded and they had to take me to mcdonalds to get it fixed, trust me you never want to eat french fries without being in japan because the chinese people are so racist that bagels taste better with cheese on them instead of ketchup, yesterday i found out that italians dont like mexicans, because the mexicans like the chinese, that eat canadians, that are allied with albania, that has currently declared war against greenland, that is currently in war with russia, because russia hates people from brazil, because they drown people from cambodia, and the Polish get mad and then they drop bombs on south africa, which ticks of sweden and then they boycott itallian ice, so i made some missing posters for my missing fish named fluffy, i loved that brick more than anything in the world, then after i got caught smuggling chinese air into the country, i went to my best friend donalds house, but that terrorist would not stop, so i called the dog catchers, and i finally finished the job and my gutters were leaf free, so i called pizza hut and they told me they did not sell pizzas anymore, but now burger king did, so i burned the english flag because they do not have the right to tell me that i can not have kids , so what if eyem a male, nowadays maids get to have all the fun, the get to eat lobsters and smoke peoples lost hair, my uncle once told me, boy if you ever have a choice in your life to become a lunch lady, you better do it , because if you dont the president will show up at your house and want you to drink with him, so the party was great but i cant remember the 70s because the government implanted a toaster in my brain , then when the bagel was ready i went outside and got the mail because mr broom was running late, excusesexcuses i cant believe my one and only friend got sent to the military and died in a fatal cardboard box crash, i will miss that dear old sandwich, i salute to you murphy the sandwich