User:Davidxosh/LivGolfTeams/Togata27 Peer Review

General info
Davidxosh
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Davidxosh/LivGolfTeams
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Dear David,

You did a great job with your Draft 1 of your Wikipedia article. I thoroughly had fun reading it and learning more about golf and LIV Golf League, which I had no idea existed prior. It makes me want to watch it! I have written my peer review for you below:

Lead:


 * In your Lead section, you mentioned that the LIV Golf League is “a new tour,” nevertheless, some readers might not know the time period in which this Wikipedia article was written, therefore, perhaps you could be more specific on how “new” this tour is, or taking out the word “new” in general. I enjoy how detailed your information is and describes the Roman numerals that the title consists of. This was a very interesting fact! My suggestion would be to add a sentence of two to set up your article and describe the teams within the league. You do not have to go into too much detail with this part, but it is possible to mention the word “teams” since that is the main theme of your article. Additionally, your article is very well-written with great headings and subheadings, so I think including a brief description of those headings (what you will soon talk about) is important for setting up your article to the reader. Overall, your Lead is concise and informative.
 * In addition to the Lead section, I have a couple of notes about the title of your article. I notice that your title is “LivGolfTeams,” however, I wonder if this is supposed to be one word or if it’s structure is actually supposed to be “LIV Golf Teams.” This might be a Wikipedia error as well, but I just wanted to double check on this. In addition, consistency with how you name “LIV Golf,” whether you say “Liv” or “LIV” could also add to the credibility of your article, but this is a very minor point.

Content:


 * Each of the sections are organized very well in a sensible order. The headings are great and I can clearly navigate the page to figure out where I might find information I want within the article. I also enjoy your subheadings of the different teams which aids in its structure. Since you do not have any sources linked, I was not able to find out if the content added is up-to-date, but I can best assume that they are since this tournament already happened recently in 2023.
 * One suggestion I can contribute is about timing. You mention quite a lot of intriguing information about your article topic, but the timeline of such events can be unclear. Especially since readers might not know when this article was written, specifying these dates could be helpful. One part I am slightly confused about is toward the end of the paragraph under the section, “How it Works.” You mentioned, “Of the 32 players out of these 8 teams, they play the quarter finals friday…” Are the quarter finals always on Friday? Or did the quarter finals in 2023 take place on a Friday? I believe specifying specific dates, clarifying this “friday” of quarter finals, and even capitalizing the word could help the reader have an easier time understanding. This is a minor note, but one that I would like some clarification on if possible. In addition, in the paragraph, “4Aces Golf Club,” you say “However, last season…” Do you mean the 2022 or 2023 season? Terms like “last season” and “friday” are okay, as long as they are surrounded by content (such as a year or a season) that clarifies when this is taking place. For example, in certain places you could say, “Their best performance was in October 2023…”
 * There does not seem to be much historical context when it comes to these teams, such as the players themselves or how these teams were created. It mostly states information about the teams and how they performed in the 2023 LIV Golf League. If this is what your intention was, then fantastic job! If you wanted to add more context to each team, one suggestion might be to add external sources to each player if they already have a Wikipedia page created for them. Another suggestion would be to explain if every team is known for something, or if each team has had certain challenges or characteristics that are worth mentioning. You do this in some of your paragraphs such as stating their best performances, but I also think that more information on each team could be gathered if you would like to add that.

Tone and Balance:


 * The voice of the article remains neutral and I could not pinpoint any areas in which it deviated from an unbiased voice. Great job! Each of the sections are representative of the importance of the context and the amount of context you provide. It is notable how your article does not focus on too much negative or positive information and merely states the facts of each of the team’s scores and placements within the league. This is important to note because when talking about sports teams, oftentimes sports fan readers can get emotional and opinionated but you maintain a stance that allows the reader to form their own interpretations and opinions. I did not see any of your sports preferences in play throughout your article. Since I do not know this topic very well, I am unable to determine if there is any missing information that might be important to include. Sometimes, writers can leave out information unconsciously or perform confirmation bias when looking for resources. This is just something I wanted to make note of, even though you did not do this and you did an amazing job writing.

Sources and References:


 * The content you gained from your resources are fascinating and I enjoyed learning about golf, nevertheless, your sources and references are an area of improvement in your article that I can observe. I am unable to analyze your resources since they are not linked in a Resources/Bibliography at the bottom of the page. I also can not evaluate if the statements within your article align with the resources you used. Therefore, perhaps you could add a bibliography section at the end of your article. You can use the “cite” tool in Wikipedia to easily input the URL or manually input the bibliographic information for Wikipedia to make it for you.

Organization:


 * The content added is well-written, concise, and clear. The structure of every paragraph is the same. This consistency makes your writing easy to read and understand. As an uneducated reader about sports, I can see the expository writing coming out of your article as it states facts that are objective and give comprehensive data.
 * These are minor details but I just wanted to pinpoint some places in which I think there might be some spelling mistakes. This draft did not need to be polished so it is totally fine, but I just wanted to help a little with them. Under “Crushers Golf Club,” the word “performance” is spelled incorrectly. In the Legion XIII paragraph, “Jon Rahm” also has a spelling error.

Images and Media:


 * Your images include great captions and very much aid in the understanding of your topic. The placement of them is nicely done, especially with Captain Dustin Johnson’s picture with his trophy next to the paragraph about him as a notable figure in LIV Golf Teams. Also, the LIV Golf logo enhances the article and its visual appeal. I also think your images are great because they are not merely basic images of people golfing but are more specific. All of your images also adhere to Wikipedia’s copyright regulations.

Overall:


 * Your content is specific and detailed. I can tell this is a topic you are passionate and genuinely interested in which stimulates great writing. I predict a lot of article views on your article, especially since this is an upcoming league that many sports fans seem to take interest in!
 * Another strength of your article is in the structure. It was extremely easy to follow and if I was someone looking for a specific team or person within a team, it would require effortless navigation.
 * One important point within your Wikipedia that I noticed was linking certain words to an external Wikipedia source. For example, in the Lead section, you nicely describe what the LIV Gold League is when there exists a Wikipedia page about it already. Perhaps your description could be left in your article, but linking it to an external source would also be helpful. Even with certain players, if someone was interested in continuing further research on them, they could easily click their biography on a separate Wikipedia page.
 * Once you include your references in a references section at the bottom of your article using the citation tool on Wikipedia, your article will be even more fantastic.
 * Thank you for allowing me to read your work!