User:Dawson Thornburgh/Machiavellianism (psychology)/Sarahamc0714 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Dawson Thornburgh


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Dawson Thornburgh/Machiavellianism (psychology)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Machiavellianism (psychology)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead section for the original article is very concise, but I think some edits to it could increase its overall quality. A suggestion I can give to you when you begin the edits for that section is to make some minor edits to grammar and minor edits to sentence structure. I think this could be beneficial to consider for that section to aid in the readability of it. Regarding your current draft, I think the content on age correlation that you have added is very informative and provides a deeper understanding of the development of this personality trait. After reviewing the original article, I noticed there is a section that speaks about research performed with children. So, I would either suggest adding this information to that section or completely replacing it all together. Your tone in this section appeared very neutral and informative to me, so keep up the good work with that! I will echo the instructor's suggestion about condensing the first two sentences into one to ensure easy readability and understanding. Additionally, you have very reliable sources. I do think it would improve the overall quality of the article to find citations that reflect more modern information regarding the evaluation of machiavellianism in children and to find ones that are easy reference for future readers. The Christie, R. & Florence, G., 2013 and Chabrol et al., 2009 cites are the ones I am specifically suggesting are updated. Additionally, evaluation of the Christie, R. & Florence G., 2013 citation lead me to discover that this cite is difficult to refer back to. So, I would suggest finding resources that are easier to reference when continuing your research. To further develop the existing article, one last thing I can suggest is to potentially add a "prevalence" section to discuss the differences in this trait within the gender and race realms. I think this would be an interesting piece of information for people to know and understand. Overall, you seem to me to be on the right track to helping improve the quality of the Machiavellianism article. The information you have provided in the age correlation section definitely seems to be a start to improving the understanding of this specific personality trait.