User:Dclighting

DARCY: The biographical details Darcy gave us are slightly questionable, but here goes:

Born twelve thousand years ago on the planet Zargoth, Darcy was raised by space bunnies until he was old enough to hop on his own. Hoping to make a name for himself in the Quargo System as a hard-bitten space mercenary, he trained at the Lenny Spiegelman Academy for Astro Cadets. (Don't try and find it today, the site was bought out by a roller disco, which subsequently burnt to the ground.) It was during his first training mission that he pressed the wrong button and ejected himself to Earth, landing in his "parents" backyard in suburban Australia, which is not unlike his home planet. There he spent many happy years mowing lawns and watching television - often simultaneously. It is rumoured that he worked in a paramilitary organisation in the mid-eighties, possibly the Brownies, but details are understandably sketchy.

Darcy continued to harbor dreams of space cadetship and came to the conclusion that if he couldn't fly for real, he could at least pretend - either in a loony bin or on stage. Darcy has twenty-seven sisters and an imaginary friend called Bruce, who is apparently a blue rhino. Darcy has never been to the Oscars, unless you count the open day, which he found quite impressive.

Darcy also describes himself as a massively underdeveloped genius who doesn't like the word pungent, and believes luck is a state of mind. For 6 years Darcy tried to be Arnold Schwarzenegger, but "society" dictated that he couldn't because he didn't look or sound anything like him. Oh "society", when will you learn? Tragedy is a lack of imagination. Darcy can run the 100 metre sprint in world record time. Not from a standing start, but with the wind behind him and running down a very steep hill. He is often found yelling at audiences "If you can't see what's happening, you're not using your ears!" Suffice to say, he's a bit odd. Warning: Too much of Darcy can result in chaffing, irregular heartbeat or even death. If you or a loved one has seen Darcy perform, contact the law offices of Clem Funknuckle.

"I dont like that feeling that you've just spent the last 10 minutes talking to someone and you just realised they're not the person who you thought they were but you've been talking as if they were and you've just unwittingly said something to alert them to that fact and now they know you've just spent the last 10 minutes talking to them and thought they were someone else."