User:Denizmasjedi/Asylum in the United States/HK khawaja Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Denizmasjedi


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Denizmasjedi/Asylum_in_the_United_States?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asylum_in_the_United_States

Evaluate the drafted changes
Deniz, here is my summarized review of your work:


 * Deniz, starting off I think your citations work and link to the right website or journal, so good job there
 * please put brain waste(first para, 3rd sentence) in " " marks because it shows a term extracted from the source
 * you say you are going to put it in section 7 before criticisms, in my opinion, it might be beneficial to combine all the resettlement and support for refugees in one section, such as with the section which states government support after arrival.
 * some places you say job-first, while others job first, just a minor issue, but worth taking a look and fixing them.
 * first paragraph last sentence, it feels like you are adding your own opinion about how things should be rather than state what an expert might say about what needs to be done. here's the sentence with bolded words or phrases that indicate opinion(however i do notice the citation, so maybe just change the words to "experts suggest" or "a study finds" etc.) : Approaches must strengthen the workforce, allowing them to build essential skills towards further advancement in economy or education, which can be done by addressing other needs such as mental health, affordable housing, and going further than policies that determine the lowest wage needed for mere survival[7].
 * Again here, in this sentence Deniz, it shows opinion, so try to use neutral words as much as possible, and see if you can come up with a citation at the end of this sentence to give it more value: This can ameliorate local backlash refugees face in different communities. Anti-poverty measures must be installed, rather than mere focus on providing resources in order to empower refugees politically and economically.
 * Otherwise Deniz, great job and great organization, so keep up the good work!
 * first paragraph last sentence, it feels like you are adding your own opinion about how things should be rather than state what an expert might say about what needs to be done. here's the sentence with bolded words or phrases that indicate opinion(however i do notice the citation, so maybe just change the words to "experts suggest" or "a study finds" etc.) : Approaches must strengthen the workforce, allowing them to build essential skills towards further advancement in economy or education, which can be done by addressing other needs such as mental health, affordable housing, and going further than policies that determine the lowest wage needed for mere survival[7].
 * Again here, in this sentence Deniz, it shows opinion, so try to use neutral words as much as possible, and see if you can come up with a citation at the end of this sentence to give it more value: This can ameliorate local backlash refugees face in different communities. Anti-poverty measures must be installed, rather than mere focus on providing resources in order to empower refugees politically and economically.
 * Otherwise Deniz, great job and great organization, so keep up the good work!
 * Again here, in this sentence Deniz, it shows opinion, so try to use neutral words as much as possible, and see if you can come up with a citation at the end of this sentence to give it more value: This can ameliorate local backlash refugees face in different communities. Anti-poverty measures must be installed, rather than mere focus on providing resources in order to empower refugees politically and economically.
 * Otherwise Deniz, great job and great organization, so keep up the good work!
 * Otherwise Deniz, great job and great organization, so keep up the good work!