User:Denizmasjedi/Empowerment/HK khawaja Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Denizmasjedi


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Denizmasjedi/Empowerment?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Empowerment

Evaluate the drafted changes
Deniz, here is my summarized review of your work:
 * So first off, I see you are using numerous sources, including Katz, which is good!
 * Ok, so in this sentence you are indicating support (which is it, social, financial, educational etc.?) by the government, but the very next sentence, you are writing that the government ceased "cash assistance". So my point is, maybe indicate that the previous bill that was passed included financial assistance which stopped after ____ period of time: After the passage of the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reauthorization Act under Clinton, poor families could receive support for five years under the condition that they were in search of finding a job[3]. After this period, the federal law prevented any further forms of cash assistance[4].
 * last line, first paragraph, partnered with whom, and where is the citations for support :"as they partnered to provide resources to refugees".
 * I see that your second paragraph is a copy-paste from your other article "Asylum in the United States". If you are going to put that, I suggest maybe changing sentence structure and vocab here and and there, and try to introduce this para as the first para since it identifies the problem, and then maybe you can move onto the solution you mention, currently in your first paragraph.
 * Deniz, there is no citation to support this statement, consider putting one here (this is in the third para): "Without appropriate funding, pressure is put on local welfare agencies, giving them discretion over who obtains resources."
 * Overall good job with finding sources to support your arguments, just a few tweaks here and there, and it will be great!
 * I see that your second paragraph is a copy-paste from your other article "Asylum in the United States". If you are going to put that, I suggest maybe changing sentence structure and vocab here and and there, and try to introduce this para as the first para since it identifies the problem, and then maybe you can move onto the solution you mention, currently in your first paragraph.
 * Deniz, there is no citation to support this statement, consider putting one here (this is in the third para): "Without appropriate funding, pressure is put on local welfare agencies, giving them discretion over who obtains resources."
 * Overall good job with finding sources to support your arguments, just a few tweaks here and there, and it will be great!
 * Overall good job with finding sources to support your arguments, just a few tweaks here and there, and it will be great!
 * Overall good job with finding sources to support your arguments, just a few tweaks here and there, and it will be great!