User:Dillondanner7/Sports journalism/EditsByDave Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Dillondanner7


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Dillondanner7/Sports journalism


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Sports journalism

Evaluate the drafted changes
Nice edit! The original paragraph definitely needed some work. Here are a few suggestions:

I would suggest altering first sentence slightly to "The rise of smartphones has significantly altered the presentation of sports media." which I think sounds cleaner. On the second sentence I would include "sports entertainment and [its] content". I would combine the fourth sentence with the third, putting it in parenthesis (since you're just listing examples of the applications mentioned). I think the fifth sentence could be stretched out/emphasized: maybe "Mobile streaming has become the dominant means of consuming live sports entertainment. Today, approximately 65% of sports followers using their smartphones to stream live sports." On the tenth sentence ("Smartphones have truly increased...") I would take out "truly". On the eleventh sentence, I would try to find a source.