User:Dingers99/Social media and suicide/Melanieeeedawson Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Dingers99


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dingers99/Social_media_and_suicide?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Social media and suicide
 * Social media and suicide

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

Very clear structure within this section, extremely easy to follow and understand the topic at hand. I really like the mention of how social media forces us to see an edited version of how life looks. However, I feel like there are some claims that could use some citations possibly such as, "Additionally, there is increasing evidence that the Internet and social media can influence suicide-related behavior." From this point on to the end of the paragraph there is no other citation or source, and I feel like the section could benefit if there was another one listed just to show the legitimacy of the information. The second smaller paragraphs starts with the claim, "Bullying, whether on social media or elsewhere, physical or not, significantly increases victims' risk of suicidal behavior," and there is no citation throughout this smaller one. There is a mention of people live-streaming suicide and I think this is incredibly interesting and could possibly be expanded upon as the people who view those livestreams are surely traumatized, furthering the negative connotations of social media. By adding more citations that could add more substance to this lead section. Other than this issue, I think that this section is fantastic and has a lot of really good necessary information for the article. There is no bias, the writing is clear, and very straightforward.

Social media risks

This section has some very valuable information, the NPHC study has a lot of really great facts being added to this article. It is clear that suicide is becoming a prominent issue within today's society, this article showcasing this spectacularly, but there are some issues pointed out with the citation needed and weasel words in brackets. Not only this, but I think this section could be really solid if there was a bit more linkage to social media. They do a great job showing the link between suicide and cyberbullying and how suicide is becoming more and more common, but I think there could maybe be a little more. For instance, there is the sentence, "Overall, teen suicide rates have increased within the past decade." With this, they could highlight how social media usage has skyrocketed within this last decade too, just throw something small in there to strengthen the link. Other than some of the clear issues such as weasel words and needed citations, great section.

References

Sorry if this is cherry picking things to point out, but I think some of the citations are incorrect, and fixing this could help the issues with social media risks. Three of the citations look like this: login.collegeofidaho.idm.oclc.org. doi:10.1080/13811118.2010.494133 https://login.collegeofidaho.idm.oclc.org/login?qurl=https://www.tandfonline.com%2fdoi%2ffull%2f10.1080%2f13811118.2010.494133. Retrieved 2022-10-09.

There shouldn't be any mention of the College of Idaho, and three of the sources have that, so I think that needs to be fixed. Other than this, very good article that is easy to digest.