User:Dionasaur/Ye Haiyan/Calvinhuynh2002 Peer Review

The lead should be more concise, focusing on the significant aspects of Ye Haiyan's activism and the consequences she faced. It should provide an overview of her major actions and include a sentence summarizing her impact or legacy.

Original: "Ye Haiyan (born 1975) is a Chinese gender activist, best known for her action in favor of women, prostitutes, and children against violence and sexual aggression. She exposed the harsh conditions of local brothels, in which sex workers were sexually and physically abused.[1] She is also well known by the name of Hooligan Sparrow (流氓燕)."

Revised: "Ye Haiyan, also known as Hooligan Sparrow, is a prominent Chinese gender activist born in 1975. She gained recognition for her relentless advocacy on behalf of women, prostitutes, and children, particularly in combating violence and sexual exploitation. Notably, she exposed the deplorable conditions within local brothels, shedding light on the sexual and physical abuse endured by sex workers."

The content offers a comprehensive account of Ye Haiyan's actions, challenges, and personal life, providing readers with a thorough understanding of her story. It is sourced from reliable secondary sources, which enhances the article's credibility. However, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity and readability.

Original: "Her determined writing an advocacy gained her the trust..."

Revised:"Her determined advocacy and writing gained her the trust..."

The content maintains a neutral tone, presenting the facts of Ye Haiyan's life and activism without bias. However, it is important to clearly attribute any subjective statements or interpretations to their sources. To achieve a more balanced view, perspectives from other stakeholders or experts in the field should be included, despite the extensive coverage of Ye Haiyan's perspective and experiences

Original: "In May of 2012, Ye was driven to a wall after accumulating debt, and was denied NGO as there was no local government to support her. Her determined writing an advocacy gained her the trust of small and more well know Chinese artists like Ai WeiWei."

Revised: "In May 2012, Ye faced financial difficulties due to mounting debts and struggled to establish an NGO, as local government support was lacking. Her determined advocacy efforts garnered trust and support from both small-scale and prominent Chinese artists, including Ai Weiwei."

The article is well-structured, with clear headings and sections that effectively guide the reader through Ye Haiyan's story.

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