User:Discreetalmonds/Baron Hirsch's agricultural settlements in Argentine/Miamiheat12 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Discreetalmonds


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Discreetalmonds/Baron_Hirsch%27s_agricultural_settlements_in_Argentine?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Maurice de Hirsch (article is about Hirsch in general, not specifically his agricultural settlements in Argentina)

Lead
Overall Thoughts: I think your lead is concise and easy to understand! A few suggestions:

1) I would make it more clear from the beginning what Hirsch's future for East European Jewry looks like

2) I'm not sure if radical is the right word choice - maybe instead something more like "substantial/consequential" is closer

3) I don't think you have to capitalize Settlements in "Agriculture Settlements"

4) I think Anti-Semitism is normally capitalized

5) I think you should explain a bit more what Hirsch intended for with the creation of the JCA (probably similar to my first suggestion)

6) I think the last part of the last sentence is a little redundant and confusingly worded: "in effort to provide a refuge and provide persecuted Jews to start a new life." I would just change to "in order to provide a refuge for persecuted Jews to start a new life."

Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer? Yes, the Lead has been updated to reflect the new content as this is a draft for an entirely new Wikipedia page.
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic? The introductory sentence does explain what the article will be about, although the structure of the sentence is a bit passive and clunky. I would personally rearrange it so that it begins with Baron de Hirsch (and possibly mentions the JCA) creating the settlements and not the settlements being created by Baron de Hirsch.
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? No, it does not and that would probably be helpful to provide.

Content
Overall Thoughts: I think overall the content is very good. I think the best sections are the the ones about Hirsch's biography and the actual settlements in Argentina and the section that is a little weaker is about the JCA. I still think you could do a little better job explaining how Hirsch came to be interested in the Jewish Question and why he favored colonization specifically in Argentina. I also think you should add to his political stance section to more clearly explain why he wasn't a Zionist. The JCA section could benefit from further expansion; any information on its evolution, what happened to it after Hirsch, internal disagreements it had, its governance, etc. I think the section on the colonies are mostly complete - maybe just giving more explanation as to why they failed and what happened to the occupants of the colonies in the wake of its failure.

Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? Yes, all the content added is essential to the topic. I like how you broke it up between Hirsch's personal life, the JCA, and the specific communities in Argentina. I think those are the three key components of the Wikipedia article.
 * Is the content added up-to-date? Yes. This isn't a topic with new developments necessarily ongoing so I'm not sure that the up-to-date factor is as key here as in other Wikipedia articles. However, even having said that I think you have found recent scholarship on Hirsch as two of your sources are from within the past 5 years.
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong? I don't think there is any content that doesn't belong but there might be some content that could be added. Specifically I think you could potentially look into:
 * 1) I think the personal background section could be added to. Why did Hirsch's work lead him to the Ottoman Empire? Why did that inspire his interest in the Jewish Question? Did he have any other ideas or why was he influenced to create the JCA? Why'd Argentina become the country which he found most suitable to colonization? Hirsch was a Central European Jew so why'd he become more interested in the plight of Eastern European Jews? I think you should expand upon the Hirsch as not a Zionist part of the article because I think it's missing some of the necessary context about his comments about amalgamation and some of the material we discussed in class.
 * 2) I like the section on the JCA although it is a little short. Maybe here is a good place to explain why Argentina was decided upon, if there was internal debates about that or the direction of the JCA in general, their stance towards Palestine, and in general more specifics.
 * 3) I really like the explanation of the economic situation in Argentina that made it easy to buy land. I also like how you have sections for each colony. Maybe switch the order of Moiseville and Mauricio because you have more information on Moiseville and it's older? I think the primary section to expand is the "Struggles" section. Why were the colonies more expensive than previously anticipated? I don't understand the sentence about distributing money monthly to balance demand. I really like your final sentence about the struggles of the one-crop colony system.
 * Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics? I think this is probably a historically underrepresented population as most of the dialogue around Jewish immigration and Zionism focuses on Palestine.

Tone and Balance
Overall Thoughts: Throughout the article the tone was neutral, never giving any opinions or evidence of bias. The article was also balanced, with maybe the one exception the idea that Hirsch wasn't a Zionist (I'm not sure if there is other scholarship that would disagree with that claim but you did only have one source, so maybe proving a bit more that Hirsch's anti-Zionist stance is conventional wisdom).

Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral? Yes, I think that throughout the article the content is always neutral. I couldn't find a single example of phrasing that suggested a clear positive or negative connotation.
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position? I think the one claim that could appear biased is the idea that Hirsch was not a Zionist. Again, I think you need to add the evidentiary support for that claim and/or add another author who might see things differently.
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented? No, although I'm not sure this is a topic with lots of varying viewpoints. Perhaps you could try and find viewpoints who make the JCA seem more complex and less dogmatic in its approach, and/or authors who have differing viewpoints on the relative success of the Argentine colonies.
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another? I don't think so.

Sources and References
Overall Thoughts: The sources used are really good; there is a mix of peer-reviewed secondary sources, websites, and links to other Wikipedia articles. I think maybe some more scholarly sources could be read and added to answer some of the content questions that I had or that might arise as you expand the article. The sources are also very current, and I assume to be some of the most recent scholarship about these questions.

Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? Yes, for the most part secondary sources are used to verify the claims that you make. However, be careful for these sentences:
 * "After wedding into a wealthy Jewish banking family, Hirsch quickly became rich from his work creating railroads and within the finance sector." This probably needs a citation although is obvious.
 * "The company had a large budget, approaching $36 million US dollars. With this budget, the association could purchase land, and this was seen from the purchase of land in Argentina in 1832." This is a question of fact so a citation is needed.
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? I think the sources used do a really god job but I would refer to the questions I asked in the content section of my peer review. To answer those questions I think you might want to expand the literature you are using, specifically finding some secondary sources on the JCA.
 * Are the sources current? Yes, two of the sources are scholarship in the last couple of years. Again, this is a topic of history, so having the most up to date sources is not as important with this article.
 * Are the sources written by a diverse spectrum of authors? Do they include historically marginalized individuals where possible? I do think that the sources are a bit monolithic but that is more so a product of the available literature out there. I am unsure which historically marginalized individuals you would be able to fold in.
 * Are there better sources available, such as peer-reviewed articles in place of news coverage or random websites? (You may need to do some digging to answer this.) I think you do a really good job of already using peer-reviewed articles when possible. The "Jewish Settlement in Argentina: The ICA Experiment" and the "Baron Hirsch, the JCA, and the Future of Jews" are both very good peer-reviewed articles.
 * Check a few links. Do they work? Yes, they all do!

Organization
Overall Thoughts: The structure and organization of the overall article is really good. The three sections are broken up very nicely and it flows in a way that makes sense to me. I think overall the article is both clear and concise, but there a few sentences that I had minor suggestions for or that confused me a bit that I put below.

Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? The content is definitely concise. I think in most places it also clear and easy to read. However, there a few sentences which confused me that I'll list below:
 * "Hirsch created the Jewish Colonization Association, and used almost all of his fortune to establish colonies in Argentine in effort to provide a refuge and provide prosecuted Jews to start a new life." I already suggested edits to this sentence above.
 * "eventually creating colonies in Argentina of which's population peaked in the 1930s." I think "whose" instead of "of which's" would be more clear.
 * "Farmers in the 18th-century were viewed as prime citizens, and Hirsch wanted to open this status towards the Jews." I think the phrasing of prime citizens is a bit clunky, as well as the phrase "opening this status." Maybe instead use "valuable members of society" and "establish this vocation as an option."
 * "when Hirsch' interest in the republic began, the country fell in to an economic downfall, giving Hirsch favorable conditions to buy land" just change in to to into
 * "There was an attempt at distributing money monthly in hopes of creating more balanced demand, but this quickly failed." I don't know exactly what you mean by more balanced demand or why this would fail so I think it's important to clarify that.
 * also in general you use numbers like 3 or 19; I think the convention is to write out the number three but I could be wrong.
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? I addressed that right above!
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic? Yes, the organization of the article is very well-structured and easy to follow.

Images and Media
Overall Thoughts: I thought the images used were great; they provided a nice visual component and enhanced the understanding of some of the topics. The captions also make sense and the images correspond correctly with the sections.

Guiding questions:


 * Does the article include images that enhance understanding of the topic? Yes the images are very well included and make sense on a section-by-section basis either by providing a visual component or in some cases enhancing understanding of the topic (the pictures of the plots of Moiseville specifically).
 * Are images well-captioned? Yes, all the images have the appropriate captions.
 * Are the images laid out in a visually appealing way? Yes, the images are clear and easy to see as well as go correctly with each corresponding section.