User:Dismurrt/Crested Swans/TiaIvy Peer Review

General info
(User:Dismurrt)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Crested Swans

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi,

Your article is great! You are very good at using neutralized language and citing sources with almost every single sentence is cited. There are a few suggestions you can consider to further improve your article.

The first sentence of your lead does an excellent job of concisely and clearly describing the article's topic. But in the other sentences in your lead, you talk about the history of the term “celebration” and other information about the artist that's not found anywhere else in your article. However, the lead should not include any information that is not present in the article; it should be a brief overall summary instead of introducing new information.

In terms of structure, the second heading of your article, “Inspirations/artistic themes,” is a bit too vague for the reader to know what the section is about just from glancing. Changing the heading to “Influences of German folk art” would make the structure much clearer. You also talked a lot about motifs in this section. I also suggest having the paragraph about motifs made into another section with the heading of “Motifs.” For the paragraph that starts with “Aside from the German influences, Scholl's sculptures are further reminiscent of the art of the 19th-century Victorian era,” I suggest making a new section with the heading “Influences of the 19th-century Victorian era.” Having a new section whenever you shift your topic will further enhance your amazing work.

In the second section, you started your sentence with “Much like his other works of art…” I suggest using the artist’s name here instead of “his” just because it is a new section and a new paragraph. I also suggest hyperlinking terms such as sculpture, woodcarving, folk art, motifs, etc., for readers' convenience. It would be great if the sources were linked if that is possible. These small details will make your page look even better!