User:Djlovejoy4/sandbox

An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic or passionate love and attachment, or sexual activity. The term is also sometimes used euphemistically for a sexual relationship. Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a general desire to belong and to love which is usually satisfied within an intimate relationship. Intimate relationships involve the physical and sexual attraction by one person to another, liking and loving, romantic feelings and sexual relationships, as well as the seeking of a mate and emotional and personal support from. How one develops an intimate relationship may start with our biology. According to researcher Helen Fisher of Rutgers University "when it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry and she proposed that we fall in love in three stages each involving a different set of chemicals,"(BBC Science2012). The first stage is lust which is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. These hormones get you out looking for a mate. The second stage is the attraction stage. "When two people are attracted to each other, the brain becomes flooded with a gush of neurotransmitters making the individual feel good. Pounding hearts and racing pulses are reactions to the rush of chemicals caused by the physical attraction one feels during this initial stage."(BBC Science2012). Being physically attracted to a person is the beginning of a romantic relationship. This is also a time when sleep and appetite may be affected and daydreaming about their new love may also take place. People in this phase may feel their hearts pounding when they are near the love interest. They may feel excitement and an overall feeling of happiness. At a university in Stony Brook, New York ., a handful of young people who had just fallen madly in love volunteered to have their brains scanned to see what areas were active when they looked at a picture of their love interest. The brain areas that lit up were precisely those to be rich in a powerful “feel good” chemical, dopamine the substance that brain cells release in response to cocaine and nicotine. Attraction is the feel good stage in a relationship (Foreman, 2009, 1). In order to get to the stage of a long lasting loving intimate relationship one must pass through different stages of falling in love, Lust followed by attraction are the initial stages in the process of falling in love. In the attraction stage a group of neurotransmitters called monoamines play an important role. Dopamine, adrenalin and serotonin all take part in the early stage of falling in love. While your initial attraction to someone may be based on the physical we are also attracted to people who smell good. “Microsmells-called pheromones are subtle smells that your brain can detect and cause you to be drawn to another person” (Sommers, 2011, 36). Face symmetry and body types are other factors that influence attraction. People tend to be attracted to people with symmetrical faces. Some researchers also feel that in our subconscious the evolutionary theory has an effect on how we pick our partners. “”It is to our advantage to mate with somebody with the best possible genes. These will be passed on to our children” (BBC.2012). Attraction is definitely the chemistry part of falling in love and the sexual part of intimacy. As the relationship continues to develop the couple becomes closer emotionally as well as sexually. The third stage of love and intimacy is the attachment stage. Lasting relationships eventually pass through the attraction stage and move on to this deeper stage of love and commitment. It is during this stage that couples begin to form strong bonds with each other. Intimacy is now at a deeper level. “Closeness develops when we share thoughts and feelings that we don’t share with anyone else. One feels supported, cared for, understood, and accepted for who they are. Trust is also part of this stage” (Teen Health, 2010). These are all important components of true intimacy. In human relationships, the meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships. In anthropological research, intimacy is considered the product of a successful seduction, a process of rapport building that enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for "confidences" (secret knowledge) that bind people together. it is at this stage where intimacy and commitment deepen that couples may decide that the idea of marriage, and adopting  or having children together may develop regardless of the sexual orientation of the couple. According to new research two hormones impact on this stage oxytocin and vasopressin: “Oxytocin is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. Vasopressin is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long term commitment was discovered when scientist studied the prairie vole. The prairie vole is an animal that uses sex for long term bonding and not just for reproductive purposes. In an experiment the hormone vasopressin was suppressed in the prairie vole. The bond with their mate deteriorated immediately. The animals lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors (BBC 2012). This experiment is interesting because it supports the idea that vasopressin may help with long term commitment in humans again showing that chemistry does have an impact on love, commitment and intimacy. During the commitment or attachment stage the intense passion that was felt in the attraction stage may not be as strong as it initially was, however romantic love “still needs to have three components passion, intimacy, and commitment in which different combinations result in different kinds of love” ( Acevedo, Bianca P.: Aron, Arthur., 2009, 60). Loving relationships are filled with caring, sharing, and depending on one another for emotional support as well as a sexual and emotional closeness that must be nurtured if it is to last. Lasting love is about making a commitment to work together and share the good times as well as all of the challenges in life. Attraction without closeness is not love. When there is a couple who is committed in an intimate relationship they know they are going to have many different things to deal with. Such things can include financial issues, children, and extended family. A relationship can last if the couple is committed to each other, there is respect, good communication, mutual support, mutual friendship, physical and emotional intimacy, romance, a healthy sex life, and independent identities and interests as individuals. People who are in long-term relationships are happier than most people and experience better health, fewer medical problems, more satisfaction and meaning in life, a better relationship with their children, lower rates of suicide, and a longer life span. Also, the children of a couple that has this kind of relationship can have better mental health, fewer issues with behavior, lower rates of substance abuse, more success in school, and more successful intimate relationships in their adulthood. In order to sustain intimacy for any length of time requires well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy requires an ability to be both separate and together participants in an intimate relationship. Murray Bowen called this "self-differentiation". It results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict, and intense loyalty. Studies show that fear of intimacy is negatively related to comfort with emotional closeness and with relationship satisfaction, and positively related to loneliness and trait anxiety. It is worth distinguishing intimate (communal) relationships from strategic (exchange) relationships. Physical intimacy occurs in the latter but it is governed by a higher-order strategy, of which the other person may not be aware. One example is getting close to someone in order to get something from them or give them something. That "something" might not be offered so freely if it did not appear to be an intimate exchange and if the ultimate strategy had been visible at the outset. Mills and Clark (1982) found that strategic (exchange) relationships are fragile and easily break down when there is any level of disagreement. Emotionally intimate (communal) relationships are much more robust and can survive considerable (and even ongoing) disagreements. Love is an important factor in physical and emotional intimate relationships. Love is qualitatively and quantitatively different to liking, and the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of sexual attraction. There are two types of love in a relationship; passionate love and companionate love. Companionate love involves diminished potent feelings of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual commitment, the profound feeling of mutual caring, feeling proud of a mate's accomplishment, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective. In contrast, passionate love is marked by infatuation, intense preoccupation with the partner, throes of ecstasy, and feelings of exhilaration that come from being reunited with the partner. A lot of marital problems stem from problems of physical intimacy/sexual problems. These problems may include performance, inhibited sexual drive, or infidelity. Sometimes intimacy can be replaced with something else. This replacement can be infidelity, pornography, phone sex, internet blogging, chronic masturbation, etc. It can also be something non-sexual like psychological dependencies on the children, work, food, gambling, sports, shopping, pets, community activities, etc.

The History of Intimacy:.

=The history of intimate relationships is an interesting one =Ancient philosophers: Aristotle===Ancient philosophers mused over ideas of marital satisfaction, faithfulness, beauty and jealousy although their concepts and understandings were often inaccurate or misleading. Over 2,300 years ago, interpersonal relationships were being contemplated by Aristotle. He wrote: "One person is a friend to another if he is friendly to the other and the other is friendly to him in return" (Aristotle, 330 BC, trans. 1991, pp. 72–73). Aristotle believed that by nature humans are social beings. Aristotle also suggested that there were three different types of relationships. People are attracted to relationships that provide utility because of the assistance and sense of belonging that they provide. In relationships based on pleasure, people are attracted to the feelings of pleasantness and that they are engaging. However, relationships based on utility and pleasure were said to be short-lived if the benefits provided by one of the partners was not reciprocated. In relationships based on virtue are built on attraction to others' virtuous character. Aristotle also suggested that relationships based on virtue would be the longest lasting and that virtue-based relationships were the only type of relationship in which each partner was liked for themselves. Although Aristotle put forth much consideration about relationships, as like many other ancient philosophers, he did not use systematic methods and therefore could not conclude that his thoughts and ideas were correct. The philosophical analysis used by Aristotle dominated the analysis of intimate relationships until the late 1880s.

1880s to early 1900s
Modern psychology and sociology began to emerge in the late 19th century. During this time theorists often included relationships into their current areas of research and began to develop new foundations which had implications in regards to the analysis of intimate relationships. Freud wrote about parent–child relationships and their effect on personality development. Freud's analysis proposed that people's childhood experiences are transferred or passed on into adult relationships by means of feelings and expectations. Freud also founded the idea that individuals usually seek out marital partners who are similar to that of their opposite-sex parent.

In 1891, James wrote that a person's self concept is defined by the relationships endured with others. In 1897, Durkheim's interest in social organization led to the examination of social isolation and alienation. This was an influential discovery of intimate relationships in that Durkheim argued that being socially isolated was a key antecedent of suicide. This focus on the darker side of relationships and the negative consequences associated to social isolation were what Durkheim labeled as anomie. Simmel wrote about dyads, or partnerships with two people, and examined their unique properties in the 1950s. Simmel suggested that dyads require consent and engagement of both partners to maintain the relationship but noted that the relationship can be ended by the initiation of only one partner. Although the theorists mentioned above sought support for their theories, their primary contributions to the study of intimate relationships were conceptual and not empirically grounded.

Rise of empiricism
The use of empirical investigations in 1898 was a major revolution in social analysis. A study conducted by Monroe, examined the traits and habits of children in selecting a friend. Some of the attributes included in the study were kindness, cheerfulness and honesty. Monroe asked 2336 children aged 7 to 16 to identify "what kind of chum do you like best?" The results of the study indicate that children preferred a friend that was their own age, of the same sex, same in size physically, a friend with light features (hair and eyes), friends that did not engage in conflict, someone that was kind to animals and humans and finally that they were honest. The two characteristics that children reported as least important included wealth and religion.

The study by Monroe was the first to mark the significant shift in the study of intimate relationships from analysis that was primarily philosophical to those with empirical validity. This study is said to have finally marked the beginning of relationship science. However, in the years following Monroe's influential study, very few similar studies were done. There were limited studies done on children's friendships, courtship and marriages and families in the 1930s but few relationship studies were conducted before or during World War II. Intimate relationships did not become a broad focus of research again until the 1960s and 1970s when there was a vast amount of relationship studies being published.

1960s and 1970s
An important shift was taking place in the field of social psychology that influenced the research of intimate relationships. Up until the late 1950s, the majority of studies were non-experimental. By the end of the 1960s more than half of the articles published involved some sort of experimental manipulation. The '60s was also a time when there was a shift in methodology within the psychological discipline itself. Participants consisted mostly of college students, experimental methods and research was being conducted in laboratories and the experimental method was the dominant methodology in social psychology. Experimental manipulation within the research of intimate relationships demonstrated that relationships could be studied scientifically. This shift brought relationship science to the attention of scholars in other disciplines and has resulted in the study of intimate relationships being an international multidiscipline.

1980s to 2000s
In the early 1980s the first conference of the International Network of Personal Relationships (INPR) was held. Approximately 300 researchers from all parts of the world attended the conference. In March 1984, the first journal of Social and Personal Relationships was published. In the early 1990s the INPR split off into two groups, however in April 2004 the two organizations rejoined and became the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR).

2010s
Today, the study of intimate relationships (relationship science) uses participants from diverse samples and examines a wide variety of topics that include family relations, friendships, and romantic relationships, usually over a long period. Current study includes both positive and negative or unpleasant aspects of relationships.

Research being conducted by John Gottman and his colleagues involves inviting married couples into a pleasant setting, in which they revisit the disagreement that caused their last argument. Although the participants are aware that they are being videotaped, they soon become so absorbed in their own interaction that they forget they are being recorded. With the second-by-second analysis of observable reactions as well as emotional ones, Gottman is able to predict with 93% accuracy the fate of the couples' relationship.

Another current area of research into intimate relationships is conducted by Terri Orbuch and Joseph Veroff (2002). They monitor newlywed couples using self-reports over a long period (a longitudinal study). Participants are required to provide extensive reports about the natures and the statusses of their relationships. Although many of the marriages have ended since the beginning of the study, this type of relationship study allows researchers to track marriages from start to finish by conducting follow-up interviews with the participants in order to determine which factors are associated with marriages that last and which with those that do not. In conclusion, intimate relationships are close interpersonal relationships that involve physical and emotional connections. They are about caring for and sharing for others. The emotion of love is part of intimacy and although complicated it is an emotion that brings about intimate relationships involving the physical and emotional commitment to one another. Intimate relationships provide people with strong emotional attachments and fulfill their need to belong and be loved.