User:Dlushing/Collectivism/KStevens48 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Dlushing


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dlushing/Collectivism?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Collectivism - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead - The edit for this section is a good addition, but it may be good to also change a small part of the first sentence. Instead of leaving collectivism referred to as simply a value, I would change it to either "cultural value" or a "cultural viewpoint", something along those lines. Calling collectivism simply a value does not sound quite right.

Separating the Origins of Collectivism and Historical Perspectives may be a good idea considering the people mentioned do not seem to match with each particular historical perspective.

Origin of Collectivism - The only edit I see here is fixing the paragraphs format to focus each paragraph on each individual. This is a good call. I would add at least one more sentence to Max Weber's paragraph because it looks too short. I would also move Geert Hofstede's paragraph to the top since it talks about collectivism itself more than as a comparison with individualism, or have the paragraphs in order of the years.

Collectivistic Cultures - I am unsure how I feel about this section being added. I think there should be more added this section before publishing it. Perhaps specific collectivistic values could be discussed here. Major comparisons/contrasts with individualistic cultures could be beneficial in describing how collectivistic cultures are unique and the ways they interpret and incorporate their connectedness and interdependence. A good source that I suggest using for comparisons between collectivist values and individualistic values is Principles of Social Psychology – 1st International Edition, by Stangor, Jhangiani, and Tarry. I've been reading this for another psychology class, and it really helps provide a deeper understanding of the differences.

Minor changes to Collectivistic Cultures: The last sentence of the first paragraph, change grand to grant. The first sentence of the second paragraph, change "Many countries" to "Many collectivistic countries". Second sentence of the second paragraph, change "well know" to "well-known".

References - The references in the edit belong under footnotes. These should then be copied and reformatted under the References section to match the other references.

Overall, I think the edits made are good. Be sure to add more to the new section before deciding to publish it. There should definitely be more information added, as it seems a good bit of this edit so far is reformatting the text. However, if there is enough added to the new section, that should be efficient rather than adding to all the sections (unless you just want to).