User:Domenick4303/Kinsaku Nakane/Masonwmasonw Peer Review

General info
(Domenick4303)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Kinsaku Nakane:
 * Kinsaku Nakane:

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:
-The year following the their name is formatted incorrectly, either remove the March 1st, or add the day that he was born. Description of professions has incorrect grammar, needs to be edited.

-Lead paragraph needs better structure. Jumps from time period to time period to frequently.

Process of designing and building a garden:
-Paragraph needs to be revised, grammar is poor, wording is hard to follow.

- statements are made without any elaboration or details. Where does he get his workers from? Where does he do his work? What other materiel's does he use? Who are his clients?

- what is meant by "mix traditions"

Works of Art:
-Grammar in first sentence is poor.

-quantitative data in second paragraph should be cited.

-No details are added on The Jonangu Shinto Shrine, either add details on what what it looks like, what he did to it, or do not mention it at all. Same criticism applies to the Jimmy Carter Library. Elaborate on what he has done to it.

-Pictures for each project mentioned would go a long way to improve this article.

Overall Impressions:
- The article needs work, it appears to be un-edited with multiple grammar mistakes and unclear lines of reasoning. The article is absent of pictures or any facts as usually displayed on the right side of a Wikipedia Page.