User:Dominic/Help desk funnies

 This article is being considered funny in accordance with Wikipedia's BJAODN policy. Please see the latest BJAODN page to submit this article.

This is a repository for all the amusing things on Help desk right now. There have probably been hundreds of similar questions asked there or on the Village Pump. It is utterly astounding how many ways people can misunderstand what Wikipedia is, especially considering 1) Big red box at the top of the Help desk and 2) "From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia." at the top of every page on this site. Enjoy! Dmcdevit·t 21:03, August 9, 2005 (UTC)

im in need of free bibles!
I am a youth who is trying to start helpin the youth of my community through teachings of the lord.I have witnessed some distibutors of the pocket-sized gideon bible at corners-stores and the bibles that are given out are not being put to use,i have seen people discarding the given bibles on the ground or trash,and i hav never recieved one myself.I am wondering if the distibutors of these bibles could supply me with a case of these bibles and i would distribute them to the youth of my community.Iam tryin to teach teach the youth who do not go to church the word of the lord.But many do not have bibles to read from.Iwould like to distibute a quantity so thatt those who I distributed those bibles to i know truthfully they will be put to use.Iam simply trying to do my part and help my youth friends and community learn the greatness of the lord as i hav over the past years.I am serious about helping out but I myself do not have enough bibles to supply the youth that want to learn.So I wondering if the distibutors could supply my with one case so that I can distribute to those who I know want learn the word of the lord.Thank You for your time.

Sincerely, A concerned Youth and Believer of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank You
 * [Hm, "Wikipedia: The free BIBLES"...?]

Advertising on Wikipedia.com
We're intersted in advertising on wikipedia.com Please advise as to rates and whether there are any new client specials available. We'd be interested in a 6 month or 12 month quote.

Sig


 * [Actually, it's Wikipedia.org, not .com, and that should answer your question too. By the way, why is this on the help desk again? Dmcdevit·t 08:07, 12 October 2005 (UTC)]

lizard

 * [Not an unusual "question" here, as it's quite normal to get people who just put in an unexplained heading, but quite possibly greatest answer to one of these I've ever seen. Dmcdevit·t 08:07, 12 October 2005 (UTC)]

Hi! I think you forgot to actually include your question. However, almost all lizard-related questions go to the Science reference desk.

Possible exceptions:


 * Please explain the significance (if any) of lizards in Tennyson's work : A perfect candidate for the Humanities reference desk
 * What words rhyme with "lizard"? : Goes to the Language reference desk.
 * Lizard! Lizard lizard lizard MWAHAHA CHEEESE COWS MITTENS : Sounds like you want the Sandbox!

Hope you found this helpful. Cheers! :) --Ashenai 14:44, 29 September 2005 (UTC)

The Letter People --searching for
I am trying to find copies of The Letter People series that aired on Public Broadcasting in the 70's. I am not interested in the reproduced versions that are being sold on Ebay. Thanks for your help. SR
 * [Er, see that "free encyclopedia" thing...?]

electronics/transistors
1. in transistor ce cb and cc configurations On which context we conclude above biasings.
 * in active region: emmiter base junction is forward biased and base collector junction is reverse biased.
 * in cut off region: emmiter base junction  and base collector junction both are reverse biased.
 * in saturation region: emmiter base junction  and base collector junction both are forward biased.
 * [Thanks for sharing...]

drx9000
HI there,im an injure triathle with lower back pain.This machine DRX-9000,it supouse to strech the spine,i wonder if any body out there have used or know somethig obout it. A MAN IN PAIN
 * [Note from Dmcdevit: There's this little link called "disclaimers" that happens to be on every single page...]

Here is a site that you can go to. I hope this helps.

http://chirotalk.proboards3.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=evidence&thread=1130252054&page=2

marriage plan
hii sir,

i am from india .i am sa indian citizen .my lover is malaysian citizen.we are planning marry next year..is possible..because i am a indian citizen his malaysian citizen how is poosible sir...please how we will get married
 * [I am at aloss for words]

How do I access your info line for episode #184 ?
Hi, I tried to look all over your pages (Leo Laporte) and could not get a straight link into your wiki or similar blog system. I spent over 30 minutes trying to access your page for messages but as an IT tech, I am lost!

I wanted to help that lady in Carson who need the laptop repaired.

Your system is too confusing to someone who does not IM, IRC or Blog.

Any help accessing the past Sunday show # 184 using your password would be appreciated.

Thanks, Pat
 * [Note from Dmcdevit: En-cyc-lo-ped-i-a]

about elligibility in postgraduatemedical education
Sir, > I am doing my final year B.A.M.S [bachelor of ayurvedic medicine and surgery} 51/2 years course .(41/2 +1yr intern ship) in INDIA

After complition of my internship AM I ELLIGIBLE to do my postgraduation in allopathic medicine abroad?

If possible in whinch university ,what will be the duration of course and the fee structure.

please help me in this regard.. Thanking you sir.
 * [Note from Dmcdevit: En-cy-clo-ped-i-a]

Nihon no terebi bangumi
Ima Nihon dewa donna terebi bangumi ga ninki ga arunode shoka? Kokosei gurai o taisho to shite imasu. Risa Ii
 * [Ah, finally. There's a new one.]

network home
Ihave tow computer in my home was i wan't make network home and they mak it to me allready (best buy store) and they tell me you have broblem with game
 * [Note from Dmcdevit: This is the English Wikipedia. Sorry we don't have an Engrish Wikipedia.]

Enegy Saving Equipment.
I am writing to u from New Delhi/India. I want more info on the product that u market for energy conservation. I quote the foll that I read on the internet.

Quite The Environment Ministry has decided to provide funding from April for the promotion of an electrical energy-saving mechanism for homes. The junction-box device is about the size of a laptop computer and is equipped to regulate electrical power at 100 volts.

The project is part of Japan's efforts to fight global warming by reducing emissions from homes and offices, according to ministry officials.

Implementation of such mechanisms is targeted for fiscal 2003, beginning April 1.

The ministry's move is in response to the 1997 Kyoto Protocol, which requires industrialized countries to slash greenhouse-gas emissions from 1990 levels by an average of 5.2 percent between 2008 and 2012. Japan, which ratified the international accord on global warming in June 2002, is required to cut 6 percent.

To finance the project, the ministry plans to submit a 300 million yen budget to the 150-day regular Diet session convening Jan. 20, they said.

According to the officials, central and prefectural governments will shoulder two-thirds of the cost -- amounting to some 150,000 yen.

They expect around 6,000 households to have the new system installed in the initial fiscal year.

Electrical power for household use is set at 100 volts, but it varies from 98 to 107 volts depending on supply and demand. The nationwide average is 103 volts.

Some major businesses have already put such a device into use as part of cost-cutting measures. NTT Data Corp. will begin sales of the household devices from spring.

The officials said lowering the voltage by 3 volts will reduce energy consumption by 6 percent. For homes paying about 110,000 yen per year for electricity, the new mechanism is estimated to reduce electricity costs by around 6,600 yen.

A 1 percent reduction in greenhouse gas emissions in the government, civilian and business sectors would be realized, according to the officials, if the new equipment were installed in all homes in Japan.

For the civilian sector alone, they hoping to decrease such emissions by 10 percent compared with 1990 levels.

According to the officials, the role of the civilian sector is vital to achieving the country's targets stipulated in the protocol. But they said there is a limit to relying on the goodwill of individuals to use electricity more economically.

Also, local governments are studying the creation of guidelines for such power-saving equipment amid concerns that some manufacturers might sell inferior products. Unquote

Look forward to hear from you, Pradeep Chandak Marketing Manager GMC
 * [Why would– How could you– whaa??]

about Porsche 930 engine useb by Skyship 600B
Dear sir, We are a chinese airship company. We will buy a skyship 600B airship. We got news that your company stopped manufacturing Porsche 930. We want to know whether you can have enough spare parts for it. If you have no problem to supply spare parts or overhaul the engine, we don't need to ask the factory to change the engine now. By the way, could you tell us the price about the engine and main engine parts? can we order them from you directly? We hope to get your reply soon. Many thanks.

Wang Yuzhang

Beijing In-Sky Airship Co. Ltd.

email addresses
dear sir,

hi all u are all at wiki doing a very good job, please if possible can u email me the email addresses of all the leading news papers of the world so that if we want to send some message accross the globe we can do through emails to all the news papers accross the globe.

i have written a poem on peace and anti terror i want all the leading news papers to publish the same.

so please do email me

name: prakash N bhatia nationality: indian job profile: bank employee email address: luvuinfiniti@gmail.com,luvuinfiniti@hotmail.com,luvuinfiniti@rediffmail.com,luvuinfiniti@yahoo.com.

longhorn with windows 98.how?

 * [Note from Dmcdevit: Longhorn is due to be released in December, 2006.]

respected sir my question is very minor i want to know how can i install windows 98 on a pc having windows longhorn as it's o/s b'coz whenever i try to install win 98 i get a message that u r already running a higher version of windows and cant install win 98.

Raising Cane's
Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers is a chain of fast-food restaurants founded by Todd Graves and Craig Silvey on August 26, 1996. The restaurant chain offers fried chicken fingers as its only main course.

The Raising Cane's menu is small, containing only four combos. The Box combo comes with four chicken fingers, coleslaw, crinkle-cut fries, Texas toast, Cane's Sauce, and a 22 ounce drink. The Caniac combo is the same as "The Box", only with six chicken fingers, two Cane's Sauces, and a 32 ounce drink. The 3 Finger Combo combo comes with three chicken fingers, crinkle-cut fries, Texas toast, Cane's Sauce, and a drink. The Sandwich combo comes with three chicken fingers on a Kaiser Roll with lettuce, crinkle-cut fries, Cane's Sauce, and a drink.

Graves, having previously worked as a salmon fisherman in Alaska, was going to name the chain Sockeyes Chicken Fingers, after the Sockeye salmon. He was later convinced to name it after his dog "Raising Cane", called "Cane" for short.

ticks
I was wondering if there was a nother way to get tiks out besides a match.I don't want to hurt my dogs ear.

to delete or ignore???
Without (and I will) trying to sound stupid, how do I know what I shoudl ignore, delete or quarantine???? Should I go by what the program suggests (under details)? Is it possible to delete any necessary files while deleting spyware????

homelessness in Africa
We are a faith-based organisation that cares for homeless people.We excited to discover the Wikipedia site.It's a rich soucrce of information. We appreciate your great work.

Interestingly,we are working in a similar field. Apart from providing practical support for homeless people,we operate a website, http://www.passion4thehomeless.com, which provides significant information about homelessness and related matters in Nigeria.

We would like to know if Wikipedia's program covers Africa,particularly Nigeria.we would also like to know if you are interested in partnering with parallel organisation outside the US.

Thanks

Alex Awunor

loading a water treatment filtration tank using sand and activated carbon
Please sir, I am faced with the problem of what quantity of various sizes of sand to use in the filtration tank together with activated carbon.Ialso need to know the method of layer formations.

Thank you.

Chuks

language
i can change the contents of these site in urde whaat i do

earth science
pictures of how does water reach our house

NUMERAL LETTERS U.S.A
WHAT IS THE NUERAL VALUE FOR LETTER M AND ALL OUTHER LETTERS IN THE US

fear
i have very fear to talk or to do anything please help me how shall i overcome from this deprssion.some times i think to sucide.

dna testing
Can use of a drug show up in a dna test?

About the topic
Relevance of Human Resource Information system

Content of article in question
In the article titled "Choker" there is information pertaining to the usage of chokers and collars in the BDSM community. It lists that "in the BDSM context (e.g. the delicate arts of bondage and sadomasochism such as those practiced by Jeffrey Daumer)..." I and several associates take offense at this labeling (slanderous labeling) of a private alternative lifestyle. Whoever wrote this article obviously did not do his/her homework, as a case in point, your own article on the serial murderer DOES NOT list any cases of sadomasochism, just a penchant for being truly evil (in my words). Also, in a related article (to this topic), your listing on BDSM itself, does not have a link/listing to Mr Dahmer (which is spelled wrong in the initial article).

the following links are: Choker: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choker Jeffrey Dahmer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_dahmer BDSM: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

The "Choker" article at the least needs to be corrected as the information is false. While it's possible that Mr. Dahmer indulged in a form of sadomasochism, to include this convicted serial killer in this lifestyle is insulting and derogatory.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

---anon

Thank you for your suggestion! I have removed the phrase in question. Note that this is a wiki, you could have simply made the change yourself. When you feel an article needs changing, please feel free to make whatever changes you feel are needed. Wikipedia is a wiki, so anyone can edit any article by simply following the Edit this page link. You don't even need to log in! (Although there are some reasons why you might like to...) The Wikipedia community encourages you to be bold. Don't worry too much about making honest mistakes—they're likely to be found and corrected quickly. If you're not sure how editing works, check out how to edit a page, or use out the sandbox to try out your editing skills. New contributors are always welcome. DES (talk) 22:28, 21 September 2005 (UTC)