User:Doodmom17/Domestic violence in Bolivia/Avemary12 Peer Review

General info
doodmom17
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Doodmom17/Domestic violence in Bolivia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Domestic violence in Bolivia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

The lead has been updated to include the new information.

It includes an introductory sentence that describes what the article will be about.

It is a bit too detailed to be a lead. I think the sentences about the 2008 survey would be better in a different section. The lead should mainly be a summary about what is going to be discussed.

Content

The content added is relevant to the topic.

The content is up-to-date.

The content is detailed with new information that was not already present in the article.

The article does address an underrepresented topic about domestic violence in Bolivia, which has a very short description on Wikipedia and not much more than that.

Tone and Balance

The content added is detailed and mostly neutral towards the topic being discussed.

The sentence saying "making it "okay" to do even though it is very much not okay" may want to be re-worded to be more neutral.

The sentence "Domestic violence is something that has been pushed under the rug and not been a really big concern even though it should have been." may want to be re-worded to be more neutral.

Sources and References

The sources are current and accurately used throughout the new information added.

They reflect the available literature about the topic.

The first three sources do not have links.

Organization

The content added is well-written and adds a good amount of detail to the topic that was not already there.

The content for the most part has correct grammar and spelling, there are only a few small things I noticed.

The sentence "The men are also the financial dependent person in the relationship and is a main reason why the women stay in these situations of domestic violence." There are singular and plural being used here. It would need to read either "the men are also the financial dependent people in the relationships and are the main reason why..." or "the man is also the financial dependent person in the relationship and is the main reason why..."

The sentence "In 2013 Bolivia government..." should be "in 2013 the Bolivia government..."

The sentence "Many women in Bolivia were not even aware of their rights but are now learning about their rights and are now less likely to accept abuse in the home." is a bit repetitive and may want to be re-worded.

The sentence "A 2008 survey on Domestic Violence and Health in Bolivia showed that domestic violence while causing post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it has also been found to be linked to anxiety and depression." maybe take the "it" out to read a little easier. "....(PTSD), has also been found..."

These sentences are back-to-back in the paragraph and a bit repetitive. "been found to be linked to anxiety", "The anxiety was linked to", "The depression was linked to", "Domestic violence was also linked to"

The sentence "they showed symptoms of hearings a voice in their head, non-epileptic seizures, and or convulsions." has a few simple errors. "hearing" and "and/or"

The paragraph in the "article draft" section that starts with "The results of this study showed that in over half of the couples interviews," is this the same study discussed in the "lead" section? Also some errors in this sentence. "interviews" should be "interviewed" and where it says "highest level of education, less than 25%" should be "...whereas less than 25%"

"Further more, 71% of the women admitted to suffering from physical abuse as a child", "furthermore" is one word.

"it is seen in over 50% fo the respondents and it is seen through out" just 2 simple spelling errors. "of" and "throughout"