User:Doodmom17/Domestic violence in Bolivia/SchoolAssignmentYR23 Peer Review

General info
Nku2003
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:Domestic Violence in Bolivia Sandbox
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Domestic Violence in Bolivia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead/Content/Tone and Balance/Sources and References
 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?
 * The lead has not been updated to reflect new information. However, a lot of information has been added to the "Government Action" section.


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic?
 * Content added to the body of the article is relevant to the sections it has been added to.
 * Is the content added up-to-date?
 * Are the sources current?
 * The sources vary in publication date but are decently recent. The oldest source is from 1993 and may be a little outdated by now, but it does not seem apparent that it is.
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?
 * Is the content added neutral?
 * A few sentences throughout the additions seem to stem from opinions and do not fit the point or tone of a Wikipedia article and should probably be either removed or rewritten in order to give the article less bias, more credibility, and an easier read through.


 * Check a few links. Do they work?
 * There are no new links in the proposed draft, but could work for:
 * Post-traumatic stress disorder

Organization

(P1) In 2013, Bolivia passed a new, comprehensive domestic violence law, which outlaws many forms of abuse against women, including marital rape. (P2) In Bolivia, 47.2% of women reported that they have experienced some form intimate partner violence within the past year. These Women who have experienced intimate partner violence, both physical and/or mental, are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and psychotic disorders, this is from the psychical and or mental abuse that they endure throughout their life. (P3) The reason that domestic violence may be so high in Bolivia is due to their culture. In Bolivia the men have a proprietary sense of control over their families and the women in their life making it "okay" to do even though it is very much not okay. The Men are also the financially independent person in the relationship and is a main reason why the women stay in these situations of domestic violence. Domestic violence is something that has been pushed under the rug and has not been a really big concern even though it should have been. In 2013, the Bolivian government started to take action and passed the 348 law Law which is to attempts to prevent intimate partner violence and to try and punishes the abusers. This The law Law also makes intimate partner violence a crime punishable by up to 30 years in prison. (P4) Many women in Bolivia were not even aware of their rights but are now learning about their rights and are now less likely to accept abuse in the home. But because of the culture in Bolivia women still tend to find a lot of difficulty speaking up about any abuse that may be going on in their home. Most women are still learning about their rights and Bolivia has a long way to go in fixing the domestic violence issue. (P5) As of November 26, 2006, the police Family Protection Brigade had tended attended to 8,954 cases, as compared to approximately 5,200 in 2005. Of those 5,200, 3,640 were cases of repeat offenders. It was estimated that most cases of domestic violence went unreported. undefined Overall Impressions
 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read?
 * The content seems a little wordy and could use some brief revision. Sentences also seem choppy which can be aided with the use of transitional words and phrases.
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors?
 * There are only a few errors in the Government Action heading, which have been fixed in bold and strikethroughs :
 * *Paragraphs 3 and 4 read as very opinionated and could do with some restructuring in order for the page to come across as factual and not an opinion piece.
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic?
 * The new content is under labels, but some labels are harder to decipher. Is the content under the "lead" section going to replace the current lead section on the published article, or is it going somewhere else. This is confusing because the lead on the published article has not been changed or added to in the sandbox.


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete?
 * The article seems more complete and has more information about what changes the Bolivian government is implementing in order to combat domestic violence in the country.
 * What are the strengths of the content added?
 * Some strengths of the new content include detailed information on Bolivian laws and statistics in order to portray the prevalence of domestic violence in the country.
 * How can the content be improved?
 * The content can be improved by making some tonal changes away from opinion-based statements. A few grammatical changes and removal of 'wordy' words can make the whole article easier to read and understand