User:Doublestandardamerica

Doublestandardamerica (DSA) was created out of spite and wonders when the fuck Santa will get here. Also, it wonders why people didn't shot web on 9/11.

Birth
Doublestandardamerica was born on a day that never existed, Jesus's birthday. Over twelve thousand years ago, when hundreds of people seemingly popped up out of nowhere, DSA did too. And so, in a journey from womb to finish line, it became known as nothing but a source of wisdom and a fountain of balls.

Childhood
When Doublestandardamerica was a wee willy winky, it struck down all that stood in it's way. Full of piss and vinegar, DSA trekked onward until it came to the ends of the earth at age 2. There, DSA declared that if Republicans were ever created that DSA would have to destroy the World Trade Center, because we all know that the CIA knew about it before it happened. DSA is the CIA.

Sexuality
Nobody is quite sure what DSA really is. Male or female, it doesn't matter, because DSA is a sentient being that floats around your toilets creating those nasty discolored rings just above the water. DSA is in the water, in your food and in your air. Stop breathing. DSA rapes anything that moves, but, being a sterile being, DSA cannot reproduce, therefore is immortal. You cannot kill DSA.

Frozen Beans?
When DSA grew into a mature flashing light bulb of a soul, it grew aware of it's strong desire towards banana machines. Having a certain fondness for the contraptions, DSA invented something called the intarwebz and when asked how it felt about such a miraculous invention, DSA answered, "How many times do I have to tell you that Ronald Regan is nothing but a pile of frozen beans?"