User:Drabkin247/Judy Freespirit/Coccinellee Peer Review

General info
Drabkin247
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Drabkin247/Judy Freespirit
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):User:Drabkin247/Judy Freespirit

Evaluate the drafted changes
 Lead 

- Intro sentence tells me the basic idea of who she is & what she's done, setting up the rest of the article.

- Lead is 5 sentences, giving just enough info to grasp Judy Freespirit's life work while being concise and to the point.

- Lead doesn't explicitly state what each section of the article will be, but I think it still works since each section references the important points from the lead.

 Content 

- The content is relevant and appears up-to-date, and addresses a historically underrepresented population.

- I like that each section has a lot of detailed content, to which I'd actually suggest creating sub-sections (e.g. creating a subsection for the work "Daddy's Girl" under the "Her Books" section).

 Tone and Balance 

- I would say the overall tone of the article, particularly in the "Contributions to Feminism" section, is not neutral enough. While it's absolutely important to note Freespirit's impact, legacy, and positive contributions to society, some of the language comes across as persuasive by repeatedly stressing these things beyond the basic facts of her work (i.e. using words like groundbreaking, crucial, instrumental, etc. several times in regards to her goals and accomplishments).

- In the sentence "Freespirit boldly challenged the simplistic belief that childhood sexual abuse could be directly attributed as a cause of lesbianism," the use of the word "simplistic" also comes off as biased.

- Overall, I think it'd be a good idea to think about how to emphasize Freespirit's contributions without making the article seem too biased towards her.

 Sources and References 

- While all the quoted passages are cited, a lot of other information that someone may want to fact-check or see for themselves isn't (e.g. information about her early life), so I'd recommend adding the citations for those (better to over-cite than under-cite).

- The references seem solid (mix of recent and older, books and journal articles, links work, etc.), but I think it would be a good idea to see if you can find any further sources to corroborate what you have, since the "Contributions to Feminism" section is very thick but only references one source the entire time.

 Organization 

- Overall, the article is well written and organized, pretty clear and easy to understand, and mostly free of grammatical errors. I would just recommend reading over the entire thing to see what you can word a little better, since some sentences can be a little confusing/clunky or read awkwardly (e.g. the sentence "The Radical Therapy movement was against the mystified oppression of mental illnesses and believed that they should be treated by changing society," although grammatically correct, took me a few times to understand due to how it's written. Also, the sentence "she wrote the chapbook 'Daddy's Girl: An Incest Survivor Story' to change the general understanding that childhood sexual abuse can cause lesbianism" could be written a little better. Maybe say something like "to challenge the notion that childhood sexual abuse can cause lesbianism" instead?)

- In the sentence "She was a part of the Fat liberation movement and Radical Therapy movement" from the "Organizations" section, is the capitalization for "Fat liberation movement" correct? Why is "Fat" capitalized but not "liberation movement"?

- I believe book names are supposed to be italicized and not in quotations

- I like the sections of the article, but as I mentioned previously, I think some subsections could help for the thicker parts.

 Images and Media 

- There aren't any images of Judy Freespirit, which I understand as my group was also unable to find a photo of our person that was acceptable under Wikipedia guidelines. In that case, I would recommend adding at least one photo of something else. Maybe the cover of one of her books? A photo that has something to do with one of the organizations she took part in, such as a location or other members?

 Overall Impressions 

- Overall, this article seems very well fleshed out, and it's clear that a lot of research/reading was done to create this summary of Judy Freespirit's life and work.

- If you're able to find any more information about her personal life, I would add that since the biography is the thinnest section.

- I would recommend hyperlinking the Wikipedia page for the word "chapbook" which is used in the "Her Books" section, as I'd never heard of this word before/don't think it's too common, so it may be helpful for others reading this page.

- Actually I'd recommend hyperlinking other things to this article in general as well, such as names of people, organizations, or books that were mentioned and that already have a Wikipedia page.

- Overall great work, I'd again just recommend making some of the sentences sound a little clearer.