User:Drabkin247/Judy Freespirit/Smcusher Peer Review

General info
(Drabkin247)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Drabkin247/Judy Freespirit
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Lead
 * The lead introductory sentence needs to be more concise, but it does describe the article’s topic. A better phrasing might be “Judy Freespirit was an American feminist and activist of the late 20th century. Freespirit is best known for her pivotal roles in the Fat Liberation Movement, LGBTQ+ rights activism, as well as the Disability Rights Movements.”
 * The lead needs to provide a brief description of the article’s major sections
 * Also the Lead does not really include information that is not present in the article.
 * The lead is relatively concise, it does provide an intro into the rest of the article.
 * The Radical Therapy Movement must be explained as soon as it is mentioned.
 * Content
 * Yes the content added is relevant to the topic and is up to date.
 * All content seems to be up to date
 * Yes, the article does deal with one of Wikipedia’s equity gaps. Judy Freespirit was a Jewish woman who identified as a lesbian
 * I think a lot of the content in the article needs to be more concise and less vague.
 * Tone and Balance
 * A majority of the content has a neutral tone, but there are a few sentences that could benefit from rewording to indicate more of a neutral voice.
 * Sentences that involve words like “female” may want to be switched to women as they are potentially discriminatory
 * Words like “clinging” or “left” may also have negative connotation
 * There does need to be more of an emphasis on how Freespirit’s work connects to feminism   Sources and References
 * Links work, sources seem to be reputable  Organization
 * Titles of headings need to be changed, suggestions; Judy Freespirit, Early Life, Activism and Organizations with subheading for each one, Works with subheadings for each one
 * Content does not have any grammatical/spelling errors
 * Overall:
 * There is a lot of good content in the article, it may just need to be restructured. In this case, quality over quantity is really important. The article may benefit from being reformatted with subheadings that break down each important aspect of her life. Many sentences may also need to be split into two. While grammar isn't incorrect, the article may flow more if sentences are more concise.