User:Dreaotic Neutral/Yaka people/Chloponyart391 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Dreaotic Neutral


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Editing User:Dreaotic Neutral/Yaka people - Wikipedia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Yaka people - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

The lead was not updated from the original. The lead is helpful to establish a geographic location and the history of the name of the people, however it needs to add more about the sections that follow. The history of the name is perhaps not super relevant to the lead and could be added in the history section that follows.

The content added is relevant to the article. However, it is a tad confusing.

The content added under the culture section is very limited. The idea of the Maswalu needs to be expanded upon. How does this relate to the sentence before? The content added needs to be clarified. What is Tundasi? The vocabulary must be explained.

Nkanda should be explained as a masquerade within the first sentence, and then the details of the ritual can be expanded upon. "Nkanda is a masquerade ritual that occurs at the end of the initiation of..." This would be helpful to frame the paragraph. Perhaps add another section that describes the initiation process.

The tone of the content added is factual and remains neutral. However other areas of the article seem to be biased, but mostly they are just confusing. The Root Cause of Bayaka's Denigration- should be retitled as well as rewritten. Where this paragraph breaks and begins speaking about religion create a religion section.

The sources used are reliable. The links work. Some sources such as Adelman, Kenneth Lee (1975). "The Art of the Yaka". African Arts. 9 (1): 41–43. doi:10.2307/3334980. ISSN 0001-9933. is a tad outdated but if it is the only relevant source then it is okay. The page numbers need to be included in the citation.

Include more sources for the nkanda ritual. The source that is currently being used is not synthesized or restated. I think as it is now it would be considered plagiarism. The structure of the article is the exact same as the paragraph. This structure works for the article but not for a wiki page on it. It should be restated with the general public in mind.

I believe that Tundasi, Maswalu, Tulombosi, Mondo, Ndemba, Kapita, Kiambv, Bilio, Mbele Phoko, Tsala, Kanaagi, and Bweni must be capitalized, check to see if this is the case. Circumcise, and chief are misspelled. There is an extra space between are forbidden.

The content should be broken down into more sections to include religion, and masquerade. The content right now is very historical. The article talks a lot about european contact and the resistance of it. This should not be above the culture of the people. The structure of the article is favoring a historical approach that is not discussing the people as they are currently.

The content added has greatly improved the article to be more relevant. The section added about the nkanda ritual is very important. It would be great under a masquerade subsection within the culture section. The culture section must be improved upon. It should be much more in depth. I think that once the sections are reordered and the culture section is expanded upon this article will be in good shape.

Good Job!