User:Dreaotic Neutral/Yaka people/RyeNicole Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

User:Dreaotic Neutral


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dreaotic%20Neutral/Yaka_people?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Yaka people

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

As far as your lead paragraph, I noticed that you have not updated it. Though, it does include a decent amount of detail pertaining to the origin of the Yaka people. The only thing I'd suggest adding to the lead is a brief over view of the major sections that you are covering. This would in include the Nkanda ceremony and the Leadership sections. If you'd like to keep the lead a bit more concise you could move the oral tradition paragraph to the "History" section just because it is a bit more detailed as it includes a reference translation.

I appreciate that all the content that you added to this article is relevant. As I read the "Nkanda" subsection I liked your detailed description of the mbala mask. As a reader, it allowed me to create a picture in my head of the various items and subject matter that potentially be attached to the masks. With that being said, I'd like to see you elaborate a bit more of the other three masks that you mentioned: mondo, ndemba, and kapita. This is so we can get a well-rounded understanding of all the different masks in the ceremony and not just get the context behind the one mbala mask. Once more information is given, readers will really be able to envision the entire Nkanda ceremony and how important it is to the Yaka culture.

The content you have provided is up to date as I viewed one of your prominent sources #8 Yaka by Arthur P. Bourgeois was published in 2014. Along with the other 2 source you used, nothing is older than the 1970s which is good. One thing that's apparent is there's already a good lengthy portion of information in the History section, so I like that you didn't add anything to that. But seeing that nothign was changed besides the crossing out of one question that started "The root cause of the Bayaka's denigration," I think you can go through and shorten a few sentences as a lot of them include multiple commas or semi-colons. Since there is a lot of information in the history section, I'd just makes sure that you are inputting valuable information to other sections you are adding. As we want the readers to be informed on the culture and art as well not just focusing on the European power over the Yaka people.

Your tone for the content that you added is neutral and balanced. There is no bias information, you have solely provided factual information about the Yaka culture and its leadership. It's great that you explained the costume and headdresses that the chiefs wore. This is important because if pictures are presented of the Yaka, after reading your article people should/will be able to identify which chiefs are higher in rank. As I stated before, just make sure you add a decent amount of information to your other topics since the history section takes up more than half of the article. This is to ensure that there are no underrepresented viewpoints.

All the content that you have included seems to be backed up by reliable sources that are currently (between the 1970s-2014). The book source #8 Yaka by Arthur P. Bourgeois is a scholarly source available on WorldCat. Along with the other two articles you used being available on JSTOR. One of the Journals "Yaka and Suku Leadership Headgear" from 1982 is also written by Arthur P. Bourgeois, so this lets us know that he is a reliable author who has written many accounts. I checked all the links for the sources and they work properly, which is great. I skimmed through your article sources and all the information you added accurately matched up with the journals. I think you did a good job putting all the information in your own words because from what I read nothing was plagiarized.

As far as overall organization and impressions I think you are off to a good start. Everything you have written is clear to read and understandable. I do have a few suggestions pertaining to grammatical or spelling errors. At the end of the first paragraph of the "The resistance Of Kabamba against the European power" subsection, The last sentence By way of punishment and fear either needs to be added to another sentence, end it with a period, or take it out completely. Also in the paragraph under the the "Nkanda" subsection on the second line you spelled "circusize" but I think you meant "circumcise." Lastly, in the paragraph under the "Leadership" header you spell "chief" as "chief" quite a few times, so that needs to be edited. Regarding organization, I think you could move the last two paragraphs in "The root cause of the Bayaka’s denigration" to a subsection under "Culture" because it is discussing food that is hunted and gathered, as well as the arts. Right now it just seems like it was an afterthought and had nothing to do with denigration. Lastly, when the time comes I'd like to see some images of the Nkanda ceremony masks you described available in the captions. (I see you have added an art section just haven' t put anything in there.)