User:Drostinatorr/Lafora disease/Kolpinge1191 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Drostinatorr


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Drostinatorr/Lafora_disease?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Lafora disease

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:


 * I would recommend adding some type of introductory sentence to make sure to outline everything you're going to discuss. That way the reader will know if they are going to find the information they're looking for.

Tone:


 * Avoid using phrases/pronouns to start sentences, like "we can see that." Instead just go straight into the fact that you want to discuss.

Content:


 * What is the S & S title? Is that referring to signs and symptoms? If so, there is already a signs and symptoms section and isn't important for epidemiology. Otherwise, maybe make a new title for that part and specify more to how it applies to epidemiology.
 * For the history section, I would recommend rephrasing the first sentence a bit. Right now it sounds like the author is recommending what type of study researchers should use.
 * The part that talks about the added benefits of a case control study doesn't seem to fit in the article. It doesn't really talk about the disease, so maybe it doesn't need to be included.
 * The first section on epidemiology mentions, "this graph shows," but there's no graph added yet. Just make sure you don't forget for the final draft.

Organization:


 * It is well written and the sentence structure is smooth.
 * Some recommendations we have for topics you could add:
 * Risk factors related to gender, race, age, etc.
 * Possibly go more in depth on the geographic prevalence or if it's different depending where you live.
 * Survival and outcome rates

References?