User:Drpencil9/Howard Besser/Serialsgirl Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Drpencil9


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Drpencil9/Howard_Besser?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Howard Besser

Evaluate the drafted changes
So far I think your article is doing a great job of fleshing out an article that is almost non-existent. This is much more difficult than added to something that has more content. The content is relevant and the sources are a good mix of current and historical. This is good for capturing the lifespan of a leader in his chosen fields. The tone is neutral. Additional sections are going to be good for main article.

Lead

Is this for the actual lead of the article or is this going to be incorporated into the biography section? I think it would fit better in the biography, the lead of the original article seems solid to me. This section does not have any citations though. If you are using citations from the original article, I noticed I could not do a simple copy and paste to bring them over, I had to click edit on the original and copy and paste from there, then the citations magically followed. I think the content is good and most of it reads well, but there may be an extra "and" or two, such as in the last sentence of paragraph two. It might be good to read it aloud or drop it into Word and have it read it to you to see if anything should be worded differently. In paragraph Three authorities is spelled wrong.

Timeline:

I think this will be a valuable section when it is done. It will be good for users to see his evolution in the field. A citation still needs to be added for what is already there.

Reporting:

Not sure what period of change is being referenced here, could you elaborate?

Study:

Perhaps change to Malware Study? Unless malware is just one of his studies, then I suppose malware should be an added subheading. The first sentence seems a little wordy, maybe take "though" and "themselves" out, unless they are needed for additional context as the article progresses.

Preservation:

Suggest using the year of the Zuccotti Park occupation rather than saying "last fall."

Personal/Outreach

Does this needs its own heading or can it be lumped under timeline? I guess that will depend how much new content is expected for each heading. :)

I think this is a strong start to the article and with some more words and references I think it will be a great addition to the main article. I know I am interested to learn more about Besser. Good luck with the rest of the project!