User:Drunken Pirate/SecretStuff/ProximaSuggestions

Rant of suggestions
I had one little thing to suggest, and it turned into a rant. I just read the article as a general nerd and tried to write down everything that didn't flow or was missing a link. I'm far from an expert or even a good writer so feel free to ignore any or all of these that are aren't improvements.

A general style note, I wouldn't use "about", "approximately" or "around" unless there was a large standard error, like 20+% of the smallest significant digit. When someone tells me 4 trillion years, I assume its not exact.

From the lead


 * such as brown dwarfs and supermassive planets.
 * link supermassive planets, even if its a weak article, link to it
 * such as brown dwarfs and supermassive planets.

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 * whether a planet orbiting this star could support life is disputed.
 * link support life, I prefer this, but could go to Habitability of red dwarf systems
 * whether a planet orbiting this star could support life is disputed.

From characteristics


 * which is located just to the north of Miami, Florida.
 * style change
 * which is located just north of Miami, Florida.

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 * Proxima would only be seen as a fifth magnitude star.
 * link apparent magnitude
 * Proxima would only be seen as a fifth magnitude star.

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 * is needed to observe this star even under ideal viewing conditions—under clear, dark skies with Proxima Centauri well above the horizon.
 * People will know what "ideal viewing conditions means"
 * is needed to observe this star even under ideal viewing conditions.

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 * This star's absolute visual magnitude, or its visual magnitude as viewed from a distance of 10 parsecs, is 15.5.
 * it describes visual magnitude, but don't put the 15.5 number into context.
 * This star's absolute visual magnitude is 15.5: just 1/100 of our suns.(an inaccurate guess)

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 * In fact, Gibor Basri of the University of California, Berkeley, mentioned that "no one [has] found any showstoppers to habitability."
 * I prefer
 * Gibor Basri of the University of California, Berkeley, has even mentioned that "no one [has] found any showstoppers to habitability."

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 * Unlike the Sun, which will only burn through about 10% of its total hydrogen supply before leaving the main sequence, Proxima Centauri will consume a much higher proportion of its fuel before the fusion of hydrogen comes to an end.
 * why only much higher, people are going to get a % a lot easier that parallex numbers you are putting in here
 * Unlike the Sun, which will only burn through about 10% of its total hydrogen supply before leaving the main sequence, Proxima Centauri will consume nearly 45%(guess) of its fuel before the fusion of hydrogen comes to an end.

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 * A red dwarf with the mass of Proxima Centauri will remain on the main sequence for about four trillion years.
 * emphasize how freaking long that is
 * A red dwarf with the mass of Proxima Centauri will remain on the main sequence for about four trillion years, nearly 300 times the age of the universe.

From distance and motion
 * If so, Proxima would currently be near apastron, the furthest point in its orbit from the Alpha Centauri system. More accurate measurement of the radial velocity is needed to confirm this conclusion.
 * reads better like this
 * If so, Proxima would currently be near apastron, the furthest point in its orbit from the Alpha Centauri system, though more accurate measurements of the radial velocity are needed to confirm this conclusion.

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 * Thus, they may form a moving group of stars, which would indicate a common point of origin.
 * link to stellar nursery or molecular cloud if technically correct.
 * Thus, they may form a moving group of stars, which would indicate a common point of origin.