User:Dudleypippen/Race and Maternal Health in the United States/Cecilesaleh Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Dudleypippen)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dudleypippen/Race_and_Maternal_Health_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * n/a

Lead Section:
The lead section concisely explains the jist of the issue you are explaining. It also outlines the rest of the article really well at the end of the paragraph because it brings in the rest of what will be covered throughout the article. I also really like how you quickly highlight that racial disparities in maternal health is a human rights issue. By using the WHO as your source for guidance, your claims remain neutral and credible. The last sentence of the lead section may be unnecessary because it is not mentioned throughout the rest of the article. Overall, this section was very concise and well written and I do not suggest adding any additional detail.

Content
Overall, the content is up to date and very relevant. Given that this article is for an encyclopedia, specifically an online one, you are right to not have each medical terminology defined. However, I do think there could be some additional linking to relevant source material to aid in the reader's understanding of such advanced word choice. I think the average person who is not used to scholarly vernacular may struggle a bit. You also could put in parentheses lay-mans terms for each section. I know you did do that in the lead section but if people are not familiar with the terminology, it may be useful to for example put (after birth) in the heading for postpartem and so on. This way, if a reader is skipping around, they'll easily know which section to refer to without referencing the lead section periodically.

Additionally, I think the content could use some additional elaboration on the experiences of BIPOC women during delivery. I have read some scholarly article that includes some qualitative and ethnographic research about people's experiences. It would really help illuminate the reader to the experiences beyond the statistics. However, you just have to make sure if you do include this information to retrieve from a scholarly source rather than an informal account of people's experiences.

Tone and Balance
As far as balance goes, health disparities research can be really tricky when trying to not use white people as the comparison source for each statistic. Realistically, white people DO have better maternal health outcomes across the board in comparison to non-white people. However, when each statistic is treating white people as a normative standard, it starts to in a way pathologize non white health outcomes which I know is the exact opposite of what you would like to do. This may just be an issue that you can't get rid of because of the reality of the statistics being shown. If you disagree or don't quite understand the point I'm trying to make, then I don't think your article is significantly affected by not changing anything. However, if you see what I mean, you could ask the professor about ways in which this issue could be improved.

Your content remains neutral throughout the article and is supplemented by a great use of resources to cite the many examples of the problems you explain. As for overrepresenting and underrepresenting populations, I think you do a good job of covering a variety of health issues so that the racial/ethnic background in question is not constantly homogenous.

Sources and References
I have no critiques or suggestions for this section. You were very thorough, used up to date sources, cited each mention of new information, and correctly linked sources.

Organization
The content is concise, clear, and easy to read. I did not detect any grammatical or spelling errors. I liked the way you organized the article by stages of pregnancy. However, with the focus of the article also being about race, I have seen others make additonal subsections to highlight individual ethno/racial groups. Given that a lot of these outcomes apply to more than one group, this would probably end up being redundant and tedious. I don't think you need to make that revision for this article.

Images and Media
n/a