User:EMILLS31/Great Depression in the United States/Apeoples7 Peer Review

General info
EMILLS31 - Great Depression in the United: Housewives' and Mothers' Activism in the Great Depression
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:EMILLS31/Great_Depression_in_the_United_States
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:EMILLS31/Great_Depression_in_the_United_States - 2/25/2024

Evaluate the drafted changes
General: I like the article and the topic you are talking about! I think it is really valuable to the original article, and the sources you have so far I think look good. I bring up the issue of sources a lot, but that is only because it is really the source (pun intended) of some of the issue in the article. You said that you were fixing that and working on other sources to add in, which will solve a lot of the points I bring up. It is very relevant to the course, welfare, and issues of race in women's movements.


 * Your section is called Housewives' and Mothers' Activism in the Great Depression, but you have a greater focus on the discussion of unions then mothers. That is not to say that mothers were not in unions, but that point is not discussed and there is no clear connection. Housewives are also not really talked about a lot, there is more of a focus on Black activist and Unions...just something to think about.

Lead: They are adding a section to the existing Great Depression Page called Housewives' and Mothers' Activism in the Great Depression. I think adding a little blurb to the start of the original page would be recommended.

Content: The content is relevant, and does focus on under-represented groups! I think what is there is relevant to the subject, but there is information gaps due to sources. You talk about Unions in the beginning and at the end as a key point about your topic. But there is not a lot of actual information about those Unions, they are only really named. Adding in the How, When, Where, Why would be recommended. But the out of the article is there, the major heavy lifting of doing the writing is done, it is just fine turning the little details. Context, information, calcification, etc..

Tone: Because there are so few sources and you, I assume have done research on this topic, what is currently written does not sound neutral. When you know a lot about something, common knowledge to you and to someone who knows nothing are very different - I speak from experience with my own article. You state information without it actually backed up by a citation, and it ends up not sounding neutral. Once you cite more sources I feel that it will read more like you discussing the view of others then your own opinions.


 * For example you say that black women had a "particularly radical role" in women's movements, which does not sound neutral but rather you starting your own argument. If you instead said like, 'Alex, a expert in women's movements argues that black women had a "particularly radical role" in women's movements' - it would fix that issue.

Citations: You said that you are working through of books and articles to add to your citations. I think that is great, it is really the major issue with your work so far. At this point when I am writing this only have three sources. The little issues of things needing a citation or information sound non-neutral stems from not having enough sources when that is solved those other issues will be mitigated. I think the sources you do have are good, they are scholarly and from good publications.

Introduction Section: I like the introduction you have written. I feel like it summarizes your topic really well, and is clear in the subject matter you will be talking about.

Comments: "The Great Depression's political landscape proved conducive to the first large-scale movement of class-conscious working-class women organizers since the country's founding. [ADD CITATION HERE] Housewives, mothers, and working-class women regardless of employment status were driven by rising market prices to become political players within their communities." I assume this information corresponds to citation 1 - Orleck, Annelise (1993). But if not there should be some kind of citation, because otherwise it feels as though you stating this as a fact rather then restating the thoughts of others.

"Women in the United States have a long history of activism regarding housing and the cost of food despite the common and longstanding misconception that homemakers are passive and apolitical." - Need citation, but otherwise I do not know if I agree. Homemakers in the United States advoked for Women's suffrage = not passive or apolitical. Who is the person, group, organization, opinion that you are referencing? Is it that female homemakers votes and political voices were undervalued or not recognized? Or is it that they did not exist? I understand what you are saying, but I feel that further explain is needed.

"Black women were also still unable to vote at this time, meaning Black families were facing immense compounding pressures distorting their way of life." - I think it would be interesting, if you were able to, find a source to connect a lack of voting rights and feminist movements here. Black women were pushed out of women's suffrage movements by the Women's Southern Suffrage groups, there is a Wikipedia about them, "Southern States Woman Suffrage Conference"! I learned about it in another class, and there was a reading about Southern suffragettes apposing black women being a part of the movement. it I will link if I find it! Here it is!: Johnson, Kenneth R. “Kate Gordon and the Woman-Suffrage Movement in the South.” The Journal of Southern History 38, no. 3 (1972): 365–92. https://doi.org/10.2307/2206099.

I really like the inclusion of Maude E. Callen, I think that is a really strong point! And bring attention to these amazing leaders is really great!

Organization: The information that you have currently is good, but I think the flow of the information is stunted. What were the deplorable conditions that were clear to those women, because I don't know thus I can only assume. Giving more information about unions such as Ladies Garment Workers Union, Farmer-Labor Women's Federation of Minnesota, and American Federation of Labor will allow the reader to understand why you chose to highlight these organizations as being important enough to write in the article over others. Really just the smaller details that again will be solved as you layer in more sources and information.