User:ENOZIW/Gender discrimination during Hong Kong protest/LBollefer Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) LBollefer


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.).

Hi Liana,

I really enjoyed your article: a very interesting topic and excellent research and source citing.

A consideration is to have a clear lead sentence. The first sentence is lengthy. Although there is excellent information included, perhaps a consideration is to shorten it, with a clear statement on the article's focus. Another consideration is to review the sentence structure, considering the reduction of the use of commas. This might enhance the flow of the article. A further recommendation is to review the use of quotes in WIKI articles, to ensure those included are appropriate. Finally, a recommendation is to remove the strong adjectives used throughout the article.

This is a powerful piece.

Thank you for this,

Lois —