User:EVula/fun

I love humor. Here's funny stuff I've run across while doing wiki-work.

Unintentionally funny stuff

 * In doing research for AfD/Arizona Wilder, I found a website that claimed "the President and Vice-President of the U.S. are child-molesting, shape-shifting reptilians". The article itself had such good-times stuff as "... she allegedly witnessed such people as Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Charles, Gerald Ford, and George H.W. Bush conducting cannibalistic rituals in which many of them were seen to "shape-shift" into demons." Woo-boy, loads of laughs.
 * The Man Who Killed Hitler And Then The Bigfoot &mdash; Best movie title of all time, or best movie title ever? You make the call!
 * Brian Thompson &mdash; "In 1996 Brian Thompson gave Tiny Tim a heartattack while shredding on his guitar" and "Brian Thompson's messenger boy is the berries and creme starburst man".
 * I just found out the other day that I used to have an article. This was well before I ever actually edited Wikipedia... I'm still immensely amused about it. :)
 * It's a super-vandalism warning! (admin only, sorry)
 * If we ever introduce sound into articles, this needs to be one of the first.

I'll be sure to add more as I find it...

Intentionally funny pages
The stuff above is just funny to me. Below is stuff that is intentionally funny and, more important, I like it well enough to link to it.


 * Friends of gays should not be allowed to edit articles
 * WP:FUCK - Live it, love it.
 * User:Bibliomaniac15/Enlarge your edit count - for just 129.99 Wikidollars! What a deal!
 * User:Cyde/Don't be a fucking douchebag - A better (in my opinion) version of Don't be a dick.
 * User:Radiant!/Classification of admins - Just plain fun.
 * commons:Category:Lolcats - I link to one a bit further down, but there's some other damn funny stuff in there...
 * Requests for adminship/Dfrg.msc 2 - Question #8. Highly scientific.
 * WikiSpeak - I'm glad we have such a magnificent guide to our language.
 * No self attacks - A very serious policy (written by yours truly).
 * User:MZMcBride/8-ball - "Is deleting Main Page a good idea?" [consult the Magic 8 Ball] "Without a doubt. Sweet!"
 * Hotel Wikipedia - Great song.

Funny diffs

 * Unblock denied. To be fair, though, that was pretty much what the IP requested...
 * Honesty. Gotta love it.
 * Illiad, the untold story.
 * The most delicious admiral evar.
 * Mr.Z-man has almost as many insults as I do... (admin-only)
 * Unfortunately, Avi can't be my favorite bureaucrat since I am also a bureaucrat. Sorry man.
 * Best unblock statement ever.

Off-wiki stuff
Not on a wiki, but still about Wikipedia.


 * More Accurate Wikipedia Warnings So very, very true.
 * Best. Cereal. Ever.
 * What happens when you read simple.wikipedia too much...

IRC quotes
 I've been given the name TallyBot for my RfA work...  LOL...  That's sooo cute!  Lil' Tallybot...awww...sweet...  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:TallyBot  Now that'll get a girl right into the sack...  hah  "hey baby... want me to update your RfA tally? Oh yeah, I'll update that number real good..."  hah!  Let me bot your tally, baby...  "mmm, you like that new support !vote, don't you? oh yeah..."  lol..!

 she's the oldest and most banged up of all of them that I owned... but, she's got the most charachter... :)  (and, the smoothest trigger....)  :O  Sounds like LaraLove

//When discussing wiki-orgies (don't ask why)... <Eliz81> ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm <Eliz81> what the hell kind of meetup is this? <GlassCobra> Lara and I were discussing getting lots of booze, then all partying at the hotel room in our bathrobes <Eliz81> this isn't vegas right!! <GlassCobra> what do you think, EVula? <Eliz81> oh my god, you're all gonna have a wikiorgy <EVula> haha, sounds awesome. <EVula> that sounds awesome too <EVula> wait, no, too few females. <Eliz81> in the throes of passion <EVula> I don't want a sausage-fest wiki-orgy <Eliz81> make sure to cry out 'citation needed' <EVula> bwuhahaha <EVula> "you're the best I've ever had. "

<LaraLove> Like 80% of the BRC is Tool fans <Mike_H> I don't know what Tool is <EVula> Lara: I like them well enough. Does that bring it up to 85%? <Mike_H> but I listen to disco <Mike_H> so how about you have your Tool <Mike_H> and I have my disco <LaraLove> Yes! <EVula> Mike: you don't know what tool is? That's not what I heard! <Mike_H> EVula: I know YOUR tool. <LaraLove> hahaaha <GlassCobra> zing! <GlassCobra> and counter-zing! <LaraLove> haha <EVula> well played, sir.

<EVula> I'm going to start doing all my PHP and CSS comments in lolspeak. <EVula> "I CAN HAS IE WORKAROUND?" <LaraLove> haha you totally should <LaraLove> :O idea!!! <EVula> "I'm in ur IE6, fixing ur box model" <LaraLove> Betacommand should make his own BCBot notices for user talk pages and write them in LOLspeak <LaraLove> And use a little LOLCAT image instead of the red exclamation point <Astral_Enigma> haha <Astral_Enigma> LRN2TAG IMAGES PLZ <Astral_Enigma> *angryface* <EVula> haha <Astral_Enigma> YR IN OUR NFCC, VIOLATIN IT <EVula> "U suck @ teh licensorz!" <LaraLove> I can has your attenshun? Ur image uploadz is not been teh bests. Is it can be u fix it tiem now, plz? Kthnxbai. BetacommandBot <LaraLove> XD

<Riana> you know what's odd <Riana> I sent cuddles to all my facebook friends yesterday <Riana> and all I've gotten back are spankings <Riana> I appear to be friends with some dirty dirty people <LaraLove> What did I send you? LaraLove thinks a spanking <Riana> you sent me spankings too! <LaraLove> haha <LaraLove> Yea... I guess you have a spankable ass. <Riana> I guess so. <LaraLove> At least we didn't all teabag you. <LaraLove> So it could have been worse, Riana <Riana> lol, did I tell you what it does when you want to teabag someone? <LaraLove> spot of tea <Riana> lame! <LaraLove> srs <Riana> if I want to rub my balls in someone's face... THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO

<Malinaccier> lol <Malinaccier> the new rage: wikidating <EVula> haha <Malinaccier> en.wikidate.org +P <Malinaccier> *=P <EVula> I dunno if I like the "anyone can date" concept. <EVula> sloppy seconds are one thing, but sloppy 289th? <Malinaccier> the free dating service <Malinaccier> ok <Malinaccier> wow <Dragonfly6-7> EVula - if the date's not going well, you can edit it <EVula> heh <EVula> I've been on dates that I would have *loved* to nominate for deletion. <Dragonfly6-7> "I'm forty-seven" <Dragonfly6-7> edit <Dragonfly6-7> "I'm nineteen" <EVula> "I swear officer, her article said she was eighteen!" <Dragonfly6-7> "I have a headache" <Dragonfly6-7> edit <Dragonfly6-7> "God, I'm so horny" <EVula> "...that's it?" -edit- "Oh baby, you're the best I've ever had!" <Malinaccier> *blocks* <Malinaccier> what could you block for? <Malinaccier> nothing <Dragonfly6-7> gives a whole new meaning to "Willy on Wheels" <EVula> bwuhaha. <EVula> I think women would use the block button moreso than the guys. <Malinaccier> probably <EVula> Pretty strict protection policy, too. <Malinaccier> lots of wikistalking <Dragonfly6-7> Significant problems with Goatse <Veinor> protected article == overpossessive parent <EVula> Dragonfly: yeah, you'd have to protect the infobox template so that someone doesn't make Goatse the default image. <EVula> ...though that would be utterly hilarious to see on a dating site. <Dragonfly6-7> Request for Chaperoneship

<Riana> about a week into using IRC I was like 'hey... how do you do it... so that you do an action' <Riana> lame n00b <Eliz81> i think that's an oxy moron when you're talking about IRC <Eliz81> you're not gonna get bumps on the street for bein all IRCed up :P <Riana> and I've tried :P <EVula> whatever <EVula> me and my IRC homedogs are always chillin' on the streets, you. <EVula> ...oh god damn I'm white. <Riana> did you mean 'yo' xD <EVula> oh fuck. <Riana> hahahahaha <EVula> I FAIL. <Riana> PLEASE add that to your quotes page <Eliz81> A for effort

<EVula> I wonder if I could put a hatnote on Uvula, directing them to my userpage instead. EVula: do it. :) maybe have evula, uvula, and vulva on a disambig... <EVula> haha <EVula> I can't say that I'm often mistaken for a vulva. not even for the lulz? :) * kylu points at certain other wiki. :) <EVula> but you are what you eat. *shrug* EVula: so you're part of the female reproductive system? kwsn: that's what she said. <EVula> kwsn: not as often as I'd like. :\

<|X|> Or EVula could just take a new picture :P <EVula> yeah, I'm more likely to just take a new picture --> krimpet has joined #wikipedia-en-admins <EVula> though I'd have to put on clothes first. <Mike_H> never. <Mike_H> :( EVula: that much work? * |X| warns krimpet to leave our highly intellegent conversation :) <EVula> jdelanoy: you underestimate how comfortable I am sitting in my boxers. <EVula> heya krimpet! * krimpet waves hesitantly to EVula lol

<Marybelle> Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. <Marybelle> Directly to the hanging ... chamber? <Marybelle> Gallows? <Marybelle> Where do you hang people today? <EVula> well, I'm hung *everywhere* I go... * EVula cheesy-winks at "the ladies" * kylu[afk] waves <Marybelle> Heh. <EVula> haha, awesome timing kylu

* Risker realises she's just dated herself again <carl-m> Risker: the best part of dating yourself is you can pick whatever restaurant you like <Risker> carl-m: indeed! <EVula> carl-m: but who picks up the tab? you, or yourself? <EVula> that could be an awkward conversation. <EVula> (more for the people within earshot than for yourself, though) <carl-m> heh breaking up with yourself, too that'd be fun especially the make-up sex. <Marybelle> I think Commons has pictures of that.

<Lara> So yes, as I was just discussing with my fellow BRCers, I am requesting from EVula my bit back. <Marybelle> Hmmm. <Marybelle> A cabal reformation? <EVula> and I'm thinking of holding out for sexual favors. <Lara> hahahaha <Mike_H> oh please <Mike_H> she'd do it willingly <Marybelle> True. <EVula> this is true. <Lara> :O <Marybelle> Mouth already open. <Marybelle> Have you no shame? <EVula> hahaha <Lara> :p <Mike_H> and the tongue is out. <Mike_H> You hussy.

// Talking about a problem editor, and trying to figure out why they are a problem. (not in the admin channel, for all you "omg IRC cabal!"-types) [withheld] EVula: he doesn't understand most stuff [withheld] or he doesn't care to understabd <EVula> no, I think it's good ol' idiotness, rather than willfull dumbassitude. * EVula is a wordsmith.

I understand nothing.

Collection of insults

 * I have written an essay about this section. You can read it at User:EVula/opining/About my userpage.

I have been called:
 * a cunt
 * a racist (actually, I was accused of racial profiling, but that's about the same)
 * a censor of free speech on Wikipedia
 * the king of knee-jerk reactions
 * a moron
 * Jewish (a troll I indef blocked linked my name to "Jewula") (while I don't find Jews offensive, it was meant as an insult)
 * I have been accused of ruining articles
 * someone with a split personality called me a fucker (well, a "f****r")
 * the same person also called me a "fucking ass pounder"
 * the same person yet again declared that "EVula likes ass" and that I like having gay sex with men.
 * I'm really gay, apparently...
 * a pussy
 * my favorite: I was called a lug head on YouTube
 * a pussy sucking shit eater
 * "common white trash"
 * "a chronic masturbator"
 * a lot of... whatever... about me and prostitutes
 * "Worships sexual intercource, ecpecially while doing it with his dog". The first part, sure, but the second part... well, I don't even have a dog, but that isn't really my biggest objection to the statement...
 * "You area [sic] heartless bastard who is so stupid you dont know the diffrence between your hands and feet. I bet you could nt walk until you were 19. You are ass head" The "you are ass head" (who needs articles?) reminds me of Waiting for Guffman.
 * My "ONLY friends are rednecks and gay guys"
 * Member of the "usual anti-Scientology front" reporting for duty!
 * dumb bitch
 * I'm apparently a dictator chode with no life who should eat shit. You learn something new every day...
 * I'm a "big gay homo that likes to play with fishys"
 * I seriously read this as "chickens" at first. Terribly confusing.
 * None, actually.
 * Being called "a queer" is rather tame compared to some of the other items on this list...
 * I am "obviously a momma's boy who is still suckling his mother's teet"
 * I may have put on a little bit of weight recently, but that's just unfair...
 * I am "a huge queer that monitors the pages of WikiPedia and doesn't have a fucking life!!!"
 * I'd be offended about being called a "fagget" if it was a real word...
 * Oh, I also had sex with Richard Simmons, apparently. I know I've been kind of depressed about breaking up with my girlfriend, but I've hit a major low...
 * "100% GAY"
 * I can apparently count Richard Simmons, police men, pimps, and children among my sexual partners... Wow, my sex life is a lot more diverse than I thought it was!
 * "Sexist, misogynist dinosaur, a relic of a prostitutes ass crack" ...holy shit is that ever random.
 * I'm far too much of an English geek... my first thought when reading this one was "a cemetery's what?".
 * Hmm, perhaps I should make a "Collection of true statements" section
 * I (apparently) like to "piss and shit in people's mouths while having gay sex".
 * "Due to service as a male whore since I was 12 I may have as many as 300 kids." That's total bullshit. I didn't start until I was 15!
 * "Im very much into sex. I have sex as much as I can. I do it so much and with so many girls that I could be the father of 200 kids." Well, it's almost a true statement.
 * "Wanted in 12 different states for murder, arson, rape, indecent exposure and masturbation" ...since when was it 12?
 * I am Lord Voldemort.
 * I am "too awesome to not be one of the coolest Wikipedians there is".
 * Over on Commons, someone once uploaded Image:FUCKTHEPENISOFFEVULA.jpg. Though I don't think it can actually happen, you're more than welcome to try, ladies... ;)
 * I'm a creep with a learning disability, apparently...
 * At this point, being called an asshole is so mundane... I'm only adding it because it's it's on a different project where I'm an admin. :)
 * I was called "gay" on the Portuguese Wikiquote. How's that for a random place to insult me...
 * "Hi, I'm EVula, the loveable homosexual"!
 * I'm a really, really, really big bonehead.
 * The "my goal to destroy wikipedia is far from finished" bit is probably my favorite part about this one.
 * Prices so low, they had to be mentioned twice!
 * ...just how exactly does one attain the rank of "cockmaster"? And is there a "cockapprentice"? (or, if we want to get geeky, "cockpadawan"?)
 * "EVula was raped by Michael Jackson. Shockingly, EVula enjoyed it." It's official: news about Michael Jackson is everywhere these days.
 * Sure, my vagina has more sand than the Sahara, but that doesn't mean that I need it mentioned it on my userpage three times.
 * The only thing on my To Do list is to "resist the temptation of pounding ass." Done and done!
 * I've been called "EVulva" numerous times, though not always so nicely. :)
 * A long-time harasser said he'd be "going to Chuck Norris" on my "sorry fat, saggy ass". Okay, so just because I've been chowing down on some leftover Halloween candy, I don't think my ass has gotten that fat. Also, not to brag or anything, but my ass isn't particularly saggy.
 * "I like to murder children, bomb landmarks, and violate the First Amendment. I'm also a jerk. Don't talk to me." The weirdest thing about this is that most people wouldn't want to talk to someone that enjoys murdering children, bombing landmarks, and violating the First Amendment. That just doesn't seem like the sort of thing that would require a warning. (also, it's a little redundant to call me a jerk, considering the stated list of enjoyable activities...)
 * "I slept with Jeffrey Dahmer like a rabbit." I just... I don't know where to begin with the snark on that. On the plus side, though, thanks for vandalizing my userpage on my birthday!

Collection of threats
All the fun of the insults, but with the added bonus of physical violence! Yay!


 * "I will murder you and hang your body from a oak tree for the piegons [sic] to eat." Sorry, but I have to give him points on the creative front for this one.
 * "I will kill you and hang your body in a meat locker"
 * "I will sue"
 * "Unblock me now EVula or face the consiquinces [sic]"
 * "I will report you and you will banned from Wikipedia. You just ruined your future here."
 * "EVula you are going down as is Wikipedia. By noon tommorrow you will be dead."
 * "EVula I am going to kill you and cut your body up and use it as food for my dog"
 * "you are soon going to die a horrible death at my hands. I promise you. You will feel pain. The ground will be covered with youtr [sic] pitiful blood"
 * "I think I too will kill you EVula and American Brit too. You both will be buried by Monday."
 * "Just be looking for something to be buried in EVula. You are soon going to be in your grave."
 * "I will hunt you down and brutally murder you. Then I will throw your body into the ocean. How sad is it knowing you will soon be fishfood?"
 * "EVula I will personally beat you to death with a crow bar. Then I will stuff your body and bury it at the garbage dump."
 * "Evula [sic] I plan to kill you and American Brit. You both are soon to be in Hell."
 * blah blah blah "By Wendesday you will be just a memory" blah blah blah
 * "you EVula will die in my bathtub and your lifeless bady [sic] will hang on my flagpole"
 * "You area heartless bastard who is so stupid you dont know the diffrence between your hands and feet. I bet you could nt walk until you were 19. You are ass head. I think you should stay away from me or I will hang you from my pine tree."  No, not a pine tree!
 * "Just start inviting people to a double funeral because Hanunted Angel and EVula are going tot he grave."
 * "I hope you die in a large fire soon. Don't walk home alone."
 * "By noon tomorrow i will kill you. Don't walk home alone. fuck you."
 * "Go kill yourself and then let the squirrels eat your intestines and throw them back up!!!!"
 * "EVula will die a bloody and horrible death."
 * In the first of four emails I got from an English Wikiquote editor that I'd just indefinitely blocked for threatening me, I was warned "I will kill you fucker for unfairly blocking users! I will fuck your face for not getting used to big pages like star wars the clone wars!" Now, the question that I know is kicking around your head: "will he fuck EVula's face before or after he kills him?" Truly a question that ranks up there with "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" or "If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?"

Collection of "compliments"

 * I "have star power" and am a "highlevel" user. Gold star for me!
 * "I'm also really excellent in bed. Just ask Richard Simmons." I think this should be listed here, though obviously the only false part is the bit about Richard Simmons. Hello, ladies... *rowr* ...wait, why are you running away and/or vomiting profusely?

Times I've been reported directly to Jimbo

 * User talk:Jimbo Wales/Archive 25
 * User talk:Jimbo Wales/Archive 30

2008

 * The day's featured article was Ima Hogg. The best part is that this is a 100% legit article, but people assumed it was false because of the name.
 * The AfD for Human.
 * I created the Rickroll article (from existing content), which was apparently very timely.
 * The Rickroll article was promptly put up for deletion, with people taking it seriously to varying degrees.
 * Admins arguing for protected and unprotected Sex.
 * New Requests for process page, which is effectively poking fun at how much circle-jerking we do at times.
 * Kmweber's self-nommed RfA. So hilarious because of how many people strongly dislike him because of some of his comments about people who put themselves up for adminship. Gotta give him props for having a good sense of humor.
 * Several different bogus requests for additional permissions.
 * A never-ending request to have a bogus request for the Miscellany for Deletion page's deletion, via MfD, and then attempts to have subsequent requests deleted: level one, level two, level three, level four, level five, and level six, which effectively broke the templates used. Most have been deleted, sadly.
 * The best prank, though, (and this is in my unbiased opinion) was the retirement of a certain handsome and widely beloved editor. Tossed up retired, and after I got a talk page message from someone who thought it was sincere, I put up a "link" to a Meta essay. Managed to get a handful of people with it, too, including a couple on IRC. I "refreshed" the joke a couple of times over the course of the day, just to make sure it didn't sink too low on peoples' watchlists. :)