User:Eagleresistance/Saskatchewan Indian Women's Association/Autumnhedgehog Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

eagleresistance


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Eagleresistance/sandbox


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

First and foremost, I want to say that I found your Wikipedia contribution insightful and very well done. Your choice in topic clearly filled an important gap in the kind of content Wikipedia has accessible about the history of feminism. I found the references that you chose to be really comprehensive as well.

In terms of your lead, I would add a couple of references. I thought your introductory sentence really effectively explained what exactly you would be talking about. You balanced an unbiased tone very successfully here and throughout your article.

As I already said, I found the content you chose to include to be fabulous. It is clearly filling a content gap and you clearly invested a great deal of time in getting a wide variety of comprehensive sources. Looking at your reference list, for example, I appreciated the way that you included the actual Indian Act alongside academic analysis. I thought that was an intelligent choice that benefited your article immensely. Tonally, you were very successful as well. I found your organization of the content to be effective and intuitive. I wonder if there would be a way to break down the Vision, Relationships, and Resistance section... In the Wikipedia articles that I have read, smaller sections seem to be the norm and I can understand the benefit of them in terms of how Wikipedia tends to be used. I do not think this is necessary but it might be something to think about.

In terms of grammar, there are a couple places where that could be touched up. Mainly, I think there are just a couple instances where the addition of commas could improve the sense of flow. I am also curious if a couple of the people you mentioned might have their own wikipedia articles that you could link to. I did not look it up so I am not sure, but if they do I would link them so that people can find your article a bit easier. I really feel like this is something more people should know about so anything to get people reading about it... I found your section on "Women's Life on Reserve" very well written and compelling. Part of me feels like it would be more effective if it had greater detail about specific concrete conditions in Saskatchewan. My main reason for thinking this is that there are likely a lot of other articles that address the impact of the Indian Act as well. I would try and link to the Indian Act wikipedia and maybe double check what kind of overlap there is.

To echo my initial sentiment, I thought you did a great job. I am looking forward to seeing your pecha kucha!