User:Eaheller13/Language deprivation in deaf and hard of hearing children/Aylee12345 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Language deprivation in deaf and hard of hearing children

by Eaheller13, Liliaboh18, Scroft123


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Eaheller13/Language deprivation in deaf and hard of hearing children


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Language deprivation in deaf and hard of hearing children

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

-The introduction paragraph has been minimally adjusted from the original article.

-The Lead introduction paragraph includes a concise and clear sentence about the article's topic

-introduction includes a brief description of the ways to prevent language deprivation (the other sections of the article) which makes it easy to follow.

Content:

-Edits made to the draft add to the content of the article.

-language in the Critical Period section could be altered to be more neutral. Avoid phrases like "It is important..."

-good spread of resources and intext citations

- I would define these terms "SSE, SEE" before including the acronym in the text

-Fair amount of grammar/spelling errors to be fixed (eg. "Although language deprivation is likely to when hearing loss restricts access to spoken language... " ; "There is another way language deprivation can prevent is through legislation.")

-Section on "Early Intervention" is very clear and uses neutral tone. I would just make sure that the source link #35 still works. it may have just been a copy/paste issue.

-I really liked the clear sections for early intervention, legislation, general education, and bilingual-bicultural. I would just make sure they are sub-categories of a main topic of ways to prevent language deprivation.

-This topic definitely addresses and deals with Wikipedia's equity gaps and relates to historically underrepresented populations. The more information about language deprivation in Deaf/HoH children we have, the better we can prevent it.

Sources:

-some sources are numbered but not linked but I think this was just from a formatting issue (an easy fix). The other sources that are linked seem to work and lead to a credible source. There is a good blend of articles, journals, and official website pages.