User:EamonGaraGrady/Basketball in Africa/Colemason19 Peer Review

Peer Review from Cole
Eamon--

This draft has some great bones, and compared to the current article, you are poised to make a very thorough intervention. Here are a couple of suggestions I have based on your draft:

Organization
As of now, the current article has a lead section, history, and a major influences section. You are adding some great sections here. One thing I noticed is that you have a Leagues section and a "Basketball Africa League" section. I do not know a ton about this topic, but it seems like the BAL section should be a subsection under Leagues. If it's not, make it clear in the article why the BAL is different.

I think having the current teams section and notable players section is really good. It makes it really easy to transfer to other wikipedia pages and feels like one of the most important things that this page needs. Definitely keep that!

Tone/Grammar/Communication
I think you have the neutral tone down pretty well, and it looks like you have a good start on your references and citing other wikipedia pages in your article. I noticed in a couple of the paragraphs that you have written you have some pretty long sentences. For wikipedia, I don't think you need to worry about having short sentences. Variation is good, but some of the long sentences read a little weird. In particular, see if there's a way to break up these ones or cut out some of the "which, who, to" words that make the sentence feel really long: "The league has rules mandating a quota of at least eight players per team being citizens of the team's nation and restricting the number of non-African roster spots to two to ensure that African players are the face of the league."

"It is a continent-wide league, featuring 12 teams from different countries who compete in a group stage to determine seeding for a single-elimination tournament from which a champion is crowned" I think your history section could use a better first sentence. I like the information you present, but the first sentence doesn't introduce me to the topic very well given it only discusses the Olympics in Germany. I would center your topic here to introduce the reader to the section.

Content
I think you're setting out to have some great information, and what you have so far is great. One thing you could think about in terms of article content is how to present Women's basketball. As of now, most of what you have relates to men's basketball and then you have a section that you're going to fill out about women's basketball. I think this is a fine way to structure it, but I would include some information about the history of women's basketball in the history section, so that you don't present women's basketball as an afterthought. I would expect that there is less information out there about Women's basketball, but be intentional about your content so that this article emphasizes the importance of women's basketball as well. A lot of that will be a function of how you structure your sections too.

I see that you talk about Olajuwon in your history section, and there is a section about him on the original page. Make sure that you are not redundant in talking about him. Either keep the "major influences" section that already exists on the page and have that be the primary spot Olajuwon is talked about, or spread that information out into new sections.

This is a great start, good luck on the rest!

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