User:Echinacea10/Poverty in Indonesia/LizCottle Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Echinacea10


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Echinacea10/Poverty_in_Indonesia?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Poverty in Indonesia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

This is a really interesting article and your additions add much need substance and context to it. It would be useful to add a framing sentence in the "lead section" about your additions, potentially just a mention about the role of religion in providing benefits to the poor. The lead in the article also talks a lot about rural vs urban poverty which is not really mentioned later on, so perhaps it would be useful to remove those references (or add a bit of content). The content you added is quite relevant, particularly showing an additional layer to poverty in Indonesia: religion. It would be useful to explain a little more what a Zakat is because I was not completely sure after reading about it. Based on the original article, there is a great opportunity to expand on facts/figures related to women and child poverty. You can also dive deeper into what welfare state Indonesia may be theorized to have, what breadwinner model they use, the different types of welfare services offered, and the general political feeling around welfare. This would help paint a more complete picture of poverty in Indonesia. The bit you added about FBOs was helpful in providing more context, but you could expand that section to connect to the welfare state or provide a comparison of other nearby countries. I found some of the sentences, particularly the second to last sentence in the last paragraph to be slightly biased. It may be true that there is lack of cooperation but perhaps also present the other side of the argument to balance it out?

Your sources look great and they are used correctly and liberally throughout your additions. I would make sure you go back and proofread for a few typos and sentence structure. Overall, I thought your additions improved the article by providing more context re: how poverty is viewed and "addressed" in Indonesia.