User:Efs20/Effects of violence in mass media/GS214 Peer Review

General info
Efs20 and SCL21A
 * Whose work are you reviewing?
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Efs20/Effects of violence in mass media
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Effects of violence in mass media

Evaluate the drafted changes
I really like the way that the lead section of this article is structured. From what I could tell, it seems that your group is leaving the majority of the original lead section intact and then revising various grammatical mistakes and things like that from the original section. I agree with this decision, as it seems that the original lead section gives a great introduction into the effects of violence in mass media. The only aspect I believe could be improved is some of the citations. At least on my end, some of the in-text citations say [excessive citations] rather than the citation itself.

As for the content, I believe that everything is looking really good in relation to the article. It seems that for a portion of the social learning theory section, you're revising the current information from the original article. I noticed that some of the sentences were reworked for grammatical error or for clarity. I think this helps your article read well to a viewer. I did notice that you added new study information into the media violence and youth violence section. I think this will definitely update your article and make it more relevant and applicable to current times. However, I couldn't find an in text citation for this section, so I'd recommend making sure you have one in before you publish all your changes. Likewise, the rest of your article seems to be utilizing the original article, with some revisions made within it. It seems like this content is looking very good and I feel that it is explaining the relationship between media violence and minor aggressive behaviors well. The only thing that I did notice is the lack of in text citations again. This could have just been a slight error from when the original article was copied over, so once again, I'd just recommend making sure all the citations are listed before you publish all your revisions.

From what I could tell, your article was fair and balanced. Nothing stuck out to me that would say otherwise.

Within the second paragraph, I described the small problems I saw regarding your sources and how to fix them. I think just going through each paragraph and making sure each study has an appropriate in text citation as well as a citation in the reference section at the very end of the article would be beneficial before your publish your final changes.

The organization of the article is very good and I think its very evident where you improved sentence structure and grammatical mistakes in the original writing.

There are images and media in the original article, but maybe finding newer images to add could help give the article the modernization it seems your group is trying to do.

Overall, I think you have a really great start to your improvements on this article. Other than the Wiki Education Foundation edits, the last comment on the talk page is from 2006. I believe your group is doing great on modernizing this article with clarity and grammatical fixes as well as adding new research in the media violence and youth violence section. Great work!