User:Efs20/Effects of violence in mass media/Ninetailedmage Peer Review

General info
Efs20 & SCL21A
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Efs20/Effects of violence in mass media
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Effects of violence in mass media

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead

The first paragraph is a well put, quick description of the social theory.

Content

Albert Bandura's name can be used as Bandura after the first mention of full name. No need to repeat his full name.

Tone and Balance

The tone is incredibly neutral and I find little bias despite the controversy of the topic (this is good). Instead of "let's take video games" you could say "For example, video games..." in order to make it sound formal.

Sources and References

The draft does not contain references yet.

Organization

The paragraphs are quite lengthy. If they couldn't be better paraphrased or shortened, it would be best to add more subheadings.

Images and MediaNo images in the draft.