User:Eks 295/Ethnic Politics of the Tigray War/JulianB2024 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Eks295


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Eks%20295/Ethnic_Politics_of_the_Tigray_War?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ethnic Politics of the Tigray War

Evaluate the drafted changes
- has ten sources with links that all work

- Article lead sentence is too run on and does not concisely sum up what the article is about, try splitting it into two or three sentences and making a stronger first sentence

- Overall make lead sentence less detailed

- added details elaborating on the level of discrimination that Tigrayans have experienced, which was needed information

- some of the sentences are a little too run on and could be split into two

- Some sentences should be reworded and modified, such as the sentence with the 5th source discussing "Large quantities of Tigray people live in Addis Ababa"

- A few general tweaks to sentences need to be made to make them stronger, such as one sentence that you have that uses the same word twice in fairly rapid succession

- The article is broken down well into sections which group the different topics

- content added is up to date and relevant

- Overall, the article has definitely been made stronger by the edits, especially considering the original article appeared to have a large lack of content