User:ElizaJane11/Elisabeth Hevelius/OneShotMagician Peer Review

General info
ElizaJane11
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:ElizaJane11/Elisabeth Hevelius
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Elisabeth Hevelius

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead will need to be updated to talk about the new addition being made to the page.

The addition of a section regarding Elisabeth Hevelius contribution to her field is a major content gap in the piece that ElizaJane11 is working to fill. The addition of Elisabeth Hevelius work will add to the overall completion of the content regarding her life. On thing I would say is you mention that you are adding her notable work, but what other work has she done? I would say add a paragraph about some of her other works (if you can find any other works she had done).

Towards the middle of the new section being added, starting around "Her contribution to this project", begins to sway away from a neutral tone. While it is important to emphasis what she did outside of data collection, the overall tone of the piece has to remain in neutral light. Think about changing the section from say "Her contribution to this project went beyond mere data collection..." to "Her contribution to this project included...". This will help change to tone to be more neutral, while still emphasizing the work she did. The same can be said for the line right after regarding the calculations she did, as it does begin to become more of an opinion of her work rather than factual statement. You can say how her dedication to the calculations and methods used helped advanced the field of astronomy at the time. While this line is more neutral overall, it does still emphasis her importance to the field.

For sources and reference, if you could find one more source that would help represent her contribution to the field (if possible), I would recommended it. Reading through I see the reference to the Endeavour used almost exclusively. You do also have a reference to "Forces of Nature: The Women Who Changed Science" as well, but one more source could help out in solidifying the new section being added. Also, for your references, make sure that all of them are cited on the references section (I don't see "Forces of Nature: The Women Who Changed Science" cited there yet). Also, for in the text, it was a little hard to read through it with the in-text citations, remember you can reference the citation with the number as to have less clutter up by the actual text.

Where do you plan on adding this section to the article? I would recommend adding it after the section of her speaking Latin but before her death. The main reason for that is that the section on her Latin helps show she was educated and could speak Latin, which your mention in your addition. It is also after the section on her being married, again an important point to the section you have added.

Overall, the addition being added to the page is looking good, but you could add a little more content regarding her other work. Also reorganize the citation a little bit, and try and added a few more citation and I think this addition will be great!