User:Elliott Keith Wells/new article name here

Elliott Keith Wells, The Cadillac of Men

Elliott Keith Wells (108 B.C. - 1995), (Born William Tibarias Hitlerburg) was born to a family of lion herders in the rustic lower country of Somalia. From a young age, Elliott was forced to labor relentlessly in his father's massive beet fields, which served as the family's only means of substanance when the lion trading market had hit a stand still in the early 90's, thanks in large part to the Seattle grunge boom. At the fragile age of nine, Wells had already become a thriving entrepreneur in his hometown, priding himself on open discussion in the market concerning lion slaughter and fair distribution of hide and bone material, a topic which was taboo at the time...Not the slaughtering of lion, that's just funny. The employment of Capitalistic ideas implemented in Somalian markets casued much unrest among Wells' fellow lion traders casuing him to be ultimately blacklisted from the trade. So, it was with a heavy heart, that Wells decided to pack his things and travel overseas to the great land of oppurtunity: Ecuador. It was there that he would find fame and notoriety as perhaps the most brazen and physically daunting specimen to have ever tried his hand in the adult film industry. Using the screen name Biff Webster, Wells' spawned a daunting fan base that ranged from the elderly to pre-teens, man and woman alike....Even some animals adored him, with the exception of the dwindling Ecuadorian lion population....How they loathed him!!! And rightfully so, for Wells has slain lions of all shapes and sizes all over the world; from the shores of coastal Somalia to the rugged mountains of Ecuador and neighboring Peru and even in the Zoos of San Diego. It was in the latter of the three that Wells (a.k.a. William Hitlerburg) found true love for the first time. Her name was Sacha. She was, and is to this day, a 40 inch tall go-go dancer of the Ukranian persuasion. They met in the summer of 1999, four years after this article would have you believe that Wells had passed away. But, I digress.

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