User:Emlitt/Hyperparathyroidism/Courseedits23 Peer Review

General info
(Emlitt)
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Hyperparathyroidism

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

You did a wonderful job with the article. In the Epidemiology section you added relevant statistics that flowed well, and the citations were functional. You planned to expand on the causes of hyperparathyroidism, and you delivered great content. My suggestion is to swap sentence #1 and #2. For Sentences #3 and #4, they can be combined in something like "Certain exposures increase the risk of developing primary hyperparathyroidism such as: XYZ". You added an embryology/development section & a regulation of PTH section per your work plan.

Under regulation of PTH please clarify the sentence " This when causes bone to release calcium into the blood". I recommend bolding the subheadings. Excellent job achieving all your goals in the work plan!

Overall the links in the articles seem to be working, the lead provides a good overview of the article. The content and its organization are adequate.

Emily response- Thank you so much for the feedback! I added all the changes you recommended including swapping sentence #1 and #2 and combining sentences #3 and #4 in the epidemiology section. It now reads as- In the developed world, between one and four per thousand people are affected. Primary hyperparathyroidism is the most common type. Certain exposures increase the risk of developing primary hyperparathyroidism such as sex and age. It occurs three times more often in women than men and is often diagnosed between the ages of 50 and 60 but is not uncommon before then. I also fixed the sentence you suggested in the bone regulation PTH subsection and bolded the subheadings.