User:Emmap2/Women and Gender Equality Bill in South Africa/Allison275 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Emmap2


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * (Sandbox) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Emmap2/Women_and_Gender_Equality_Bill_in_South_Africa?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * NA

Evaluate the drafted changes

 * 1) Lead / Introduction
 * 2) So far I like what you have! I think just a little restructuring would really make the introduction stronger. One consideration is moving discussion of Chapter 1 of the law to the introduction -- it seems like Chapter 1 effectively is an introduction to the intentions of the law just given that it seems a little more specific to the intentions, it could make your introduction stronger to touch on some of the main points found in your Chapter 1 section.
 * 3) That being said, I think you should keep the part about criticism towards the law as not truly doing what it has intended in the introduction. While you do not fully have to touch on that in the introduction, I think having it at least be its own sentence would be good to include (ie. "The bill appears to promise equality, however critics argue that it does not enhance liberties, as some have contended that . . .. Despite the criticism, it was supported by both houses and passed into law in 2014").
 * 4) Building off of the previous point, I think it would be good to touch on the criticism the law has had, especially if it did receive a fair amount or if it received international criticism. If it didn't, make sure to mention in the introduction that it received little criticism, and so it passed easily. But if it did, that seems significant enough to speak on, particularly because the law itself has lofty goals, but if it's generally considered to be worthless then that viewpoint should be conveyed.
 * 5) Content
 * 6) I really like the content that you have so far, you do a nice job at outlining the law's purpose
 * 7) One suggestion is that you touch on the implications of the law for different racial and ethnic groups in South Africa. I think this could be especially important, particularly because South Africa has had a long history of Apartheid, and is still dealing with the resulting disparities. I would guess that these types of laws would impact different groups differently, so it would probably be good to see if you can find anything on how this impacts different groups, or if there's difference in opinion on support for the law.
 * 8) Some more content for Chapter 3 would be good :)
 * 9) Going off of 2, I think it would be really good to include a kind of history or current section, going into why having this law is important in the first place, women's representation overall in South Africa, accessibility of contraceptives, infant mortality rate, that kind of thing. That could maybe be integrated into your introduction, or be a section immediately following the introduction. I think it would be really important to just add more context to the issues in the law so why it was important the govt address it, and therefore why people may be disappointed that it maybe didn't do enough.
 * 10) Tone
 * 11) You do a nice job at maintaining a neutral tone, which makes it feel very informative and easy to read.
 * 12) Again, I think that it would be interesting to hear about points of criticism towards the law, if it is relatively controversial. It seems that, given it was important enough to mention in the introduction, it would be good to address it again at some point in the article.
 * 13) Organization
 * 14) I think it's really concise and easy to read. You did a great job summarizing the different sections of the law, and it makes it really easy to understand its main points.
 * 15) Again, I just think it would be nice to have a history section (dealing with Apartheid etc) and a current section (what the country is dealing with, therefore how this is important for women's issues to be addressed).
 * 16) Image
 * 17) The image makes sense in context of the section, and appears to be within Wikipedia's copyright rules.
 * 18) I would suggest adding another image or two :)
 * 19) New article
 * 20) One suggestion is try to link it to a couple other articles, maybe ones centered around South Africa / South Africa history or government.
 * 21) You could find some more sources, just so that you find some repetition in information that really corroborates the information that you have on the page.
 * 22) I liked the usage of the infobox! Very helpful as it really helps to see what the intentions of the article are and to easily access
 * 23) Overall I think it’s really nice! One suggestion, as mentioned above, is to move the discussion about Chapter 1 into the introduction. From the article, it appears that Chapter 1’s purpose is to give overall statements about the bill and introduce the bill (the functions, what it does, etc). In essence, Chapter 1 is the introduction for the actual bill, so might as well use its contents in your introduction to make sure that the main points are mentioned.  Again, my main suggestions are just to make sure that all viewpoints are represented. You mention opposition briefly in the introduction, then it is never touched on again in the rest of the article. I don’t know what the opposition for the bill looked like, but if it was small / insignificant I don’t really think it needs its own section, but if there was a lot of controversy around the bill that would probably deserve its own section to address. Additionally, it would be good to get some context in the article for why the bill was important to introduce in the first place -- more information about women’s rights (gender quotas, female representation in government, infant mortality rates, international ranking for democracy and equality, etc). Additionally, South Africa has a really checkered past with Apartheid that they are still very much dealing with and trying to move forward out of, but still has a huge impact on South Africans. It would be good (if you can find literature on it) to address this in its own section, discussion the history of Apartheid and impacts of the intersection of racism and sexism, and how this differentially impacts different racial/ethnic minorities.  Overall it looks really nice! You do a really good job covering all of the law, it’s very informative and concise.